.

the words of 15 year old Tommy Gillem

2010-06-18T13:00:00.000-07:00

I am a teenager. In that one statement, I have admitted several things. I am young, my mind is impressionable, and I am influenced by those who are around me. Being a teenager is very difficult because of the many pressures on you. School, parents, church, friends, and even the people you come in contact with every day can all help to mod your character and ideals.

Today's teenager is faced with the greatest problem ever. It is a world of sin, hate, and destruction. he really has not a firm foundation on which to build his life. He sees the threat of a nuclear war, once friendly nations fighting, and even a country's citizens quarreling among themselves.

A modern teenager has but on alternative if he wants to lead a decent life -- that is to be at peace with his own mind, thing out sitations for himself and rely on God.

This summer, I worked part time in a Nashville restaurant. I washed dishes. We had two cooks. A man and a woman. ON day, when business was slack, I began playing my harmonica. The woman, one of the nicest persons I have met, came closer so she could hear. I looked up, smiled at her, and asked what her favorite song was. She grinned and with a twinkle in her eye said, "Precious Lord Take My Hand."

As I played that old spiritual, the words came to me:

'Precious Lord, take my hand
Lead me on, help me stand.
I am tired, I am weak, I am worn.
Thru the storm, thru the night,
Lead me on to the light.
Take my hand, precious Lord
Lead me home.'

That sparked me thinking. If we as Americans, we as free people, we as members of the human race molded our lives to this song, what a great world this would be! We would have no race problems, no nations would end friendship, and no nuclear war would threaten us. What a place this world could be if we would wake up and see what has been and will be here longer than any of us-- God.

- Tommy Gillem

resting resting

2010-04-18T14:45:00.000-07:00

'Jesus I am resting resting
in the joy of what Thou art
I am finding out the greatness
of Thine loving heart'

the first time i heard this song was at my cousin's wedding but i have loved it ever since. i remember thinking about it summer '07 in Vietnam and it coming up at other points especially in the last couple of years

this morning we sang it in church and the sermon that followed i'm pretty sure was written for me to hear

here are a couple pieces that definitely called me out:

most of us think we need to see clearly what is next before taking a step of faith. the door needs to be opened in order for us to walk through it. unfortunately that's not all faith is.. as a matter of fact in Hebrews 11 it says: 'faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you DO NOT SEE.'

God uses everything to help us take steps. things that hurt and things that bring us joy. things that don't make sense and things that seem to make complete sense.

in a lot of ways.. faith is fear that finally acts.

another hymn that was referenced based on Matthew 10: 'His eye is on the Sparrow'
Why should I feel discouraged
Why should the shadows come
Why should my heart feel lonely
And long for heaven and home

When Jesus is my portion
A constant friend is He
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches over me

good stuff to think on whether you recognize you are in transition or not. i'm not sure that there is ever going to be a point where transition isn't in sight. i think this is a good thing because it will help prevent me from digging a hole of complacency...not going to happen if i find my rest in Him.

icicles

2010-02-17T17:19:00.000-08:00

these icicles are some of my favorite things about winter in tennessee.. they usually are the only thing that shows it is cold outside but this year snow has been lingering too..

i rarely sit still.

2010-02-14T14:49:00.000-08:00

lately..

i had a wonderful send off from my incredible dallas friends
experienced nashville snow #2 of ....??

visited beautiful boston..
where i got some quality time with em.
so that's what i've been up to..

home sweet home

2010-01-20T19:49:00.000-08:00

i made it.. the 4 hour flight before the sun from Hong Kong to Tokyo.. the 12 hour flight from Tokyo to Atlanta.. trying to keep my eyes open and make it through the hustle and bustle to get on a normal domestic flight after 30 hours of traveling makes for a long, loooong day.

these last several weeks were beyond wonderful on so many levels. when i think about another transition my stomach starts to turn and i don't really want to go through it.. but nonetheless, it's coming.

i borrowed a friend's description of home:

"when i think of home, i think of sweatpants. i'm thankful for jeans, but after a busy day, i like to be comfortable and warm. when i think of home, i think of coffee mugs. i'm thankful for paper cups at starbucks when i'm on the go, but using a mug means you plan to stay for a while. when i think of home, i think of washing my face. i'm thankful for make-up, but at home, nobody cares if i have a breakout or blonde eyelashes. when i think of home, i think of honest conversations. i'm thankful when people ask, "how are you?," but aren't they slightly annoyed if you say something other than "good"? at home, when someone asks how you're doing, they expect to hear it all. it's a place where people want to get excited for you or get upset with you."

but most importantly:

"john 15 (the message), christ says, "make yourselves at home with me." he goes on to say, "i've loved you the way my father has loved me. make yourselves at home in my love."

"he invites me to put on my sweatpants, wash my face, find a coffee mug i like, and sit on the couch with him, telling him all about my day.

..do i get that? do i desire that? or am i the cool college student that thinks i can go a whole semester without going home? am i willing to let myself get that comfortable and honest with him?"

so in the midst of transitioning ... this is where i hope to be: home.

stanley

2010-01-19T05:54:00.001-08:00

today scott, catherine and i went to stanley..

we left the craziness of the island and got on a bus that took us over to peaceful stanley. it is beautiful.. maybe one of my favorite places in HK.

trolley, sunset, peak

2010-01-18T17:35:00.000-08:00

these are from the back of a trolley on the island
the peak at sunset
the view of the harbor at night from the peak

victoria harbor

2010-01-18T07:10:00.000-08:00

take a hike

2010-01-16T18:25:00.000-08:00

we did.. this is the mountain behind the castello (where most of the team lives) it's a steep hike up but beautiful at the top. it's hard to believe this is their backyard! it is so quiet and peaceful up there away from the buses, taxis and people

the buildings are the view on the way down.. headed back into the craziness of Sha Tin

tangibility.

2010-01-15T19:55:00.000-08:00

from the front lines: www.benandkatieinhaiti.com

seeing faces and knowing names makes it even more real.. praying for these friends and the people they are serving..

turned loose..

2010-01-15T17:46:00.000-08:00

today i put my camera around my neck in full tourist fashion and headed towards the harbor. it was a beautiful day.. i didn't get lost and thanks to these words painted on the pavement, knew to look right before i crossed the street. here are some sights from the day:
avenue of stars
the harbor

sunset from the flat

a few more pics

2010-01-14T18:10:00.000-08:00

the bus ride back from the island.. kind of smoggy but pretty neat that to get to the island you take a bus and go under a mountain and under the water to get there
the bird market.. lots and lots and LOTS of birds.

the flower market.. beautiful. unfortunately they had a lot of the flowers not out on the street because of the 60 degree "freeze" in HK.

pace.

2010-01-11T19:36:00.000-08:00

..in a place that is constantly moving, buying, changing, selling, walking, riding, gathering, and eating... moments in the corner of a coffee shop, hearing someone's story about knowing God despite her cultural and family rejections of it, causes everything slow down..

favorites.

2010-01-09T19:26:00.001-08:00

is this still HK?!

2010-01-08T19:46:00.000-08:00

who doesn't love a spot that let's you forget where you are for a moment?.. ned kelly's is this hole in the wall little spot in the middle of HK. a live jazz bar complete with fish and chips and foreigners from ALL over the world. a table behind us was a group of ladies from britain.. their accents were enough to make me want to listen to every bit of their conversation.
on the way home we took the bus..the double-deceker bus! .. a GREAT way to really see the city

until next year..

2010-01-07T21:54:00.000-08:00

while most of you were watching the national championship on thursday night, we were watching it friday morning.. thanks to espn360.com and modern technology
along with the game we had a breakfast tailgate complete with coffee, bacon and french toast. it felt a little like sunday mornings on payne street in auburn.

with all of our texas/auburn gear i think we were more against alabama than being for texas.

well, until next year college football.

wake up.

2010-01-06T17:37:00.000-08:00

^{Ephesians 5:13-15}

¹³But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, ¹⁴for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said:
"Wake up, O sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you."

kowloon and mong kok

2010-01-05T20:05:00.000-08:00

yesterday we headed out to check out the historic part of HK. we got to see the walled city in kowloon. we ate lunch (of course we ate.. you would wonder if i didn't mention eating..) at a vietnamese place. i tried out some of my vietnamese and the waitress looked at me like i was crazy.. then someone told me they spoke cantonese not vietnamese! oops.
we posed for some pictures by the pretty flowers. . i know several people who might want to frame this one of scott (including cat)
after kowloon i got to experience mong kok. in 2007 it was named the most densely populated place in the world.. in. the. world.

mong kok is where the turkish restaurant is.. it has become a favorite spot for the team. they have made friends with the brothers that own it. it was fun to finally be able to picture what i have been hearing about.

waffles and pancakes

2010-01-03T05:52:00.000-08:00

new town plaza is the landing spot in between the shuttle bus, taxis and the MTR. it has all kinds of shops and restaurants... one spot that has become a favorite is the waffle place in the city super (the grocery). YUM.

after church tonight we went over to the flying pan which is a 24 hour american breakfast place (it was basically a glorified waffle house and it was gooooood). some of the students came with us and they had never had american breakfast.. it was fun to see them choose from the menu and then enjoy their eggs, waffles and toast.
these boys love some pancakes and were pretty excited to get a delivery of syrup from mom and dad gillem.

i do more than eat in HK... we've just eaten blog worthy things.

chopsticks.

2010-01-01T18:30:00.000-08:00

yummy lunch at crystal jade of hot tea, dumplings, pork, chicken and of course fried rice. it was fun to brush up on my chopstick skills! after some more wandering and exploring with what seemed like every person in hong kong...

an afternoon that looked like this:

...was in order.

p.s. a glass of water at starbucks in hong

kong = a starbucks mug full of hot water

new year's rockin' eve.

2009-12-31T19:07:00.000-08:00

happy almost 2010 for most of you! we are already in full swing of day 1.. here's how we rung in the new year last night.

yesterday started out slow.. jet lag got the best of me so i was up well before everyone.. even the sun. mary and maik planned on making chilli for most of the team and several students so we ventured to the grocery store.. i had great intentions of documenting that experience but i was focusing on picking my chin up off of the floor and not getting frustrated when every person was bumping into me.. mary says i'm getting better with the whole fight through the crowd thing but i still find myself shocked when i get side-swiped by someone and no apology (i give my expectations of apology full credit to living in TN, AL and TX)

the grocery experience will be coming to a blog soon..

so we.. i mean mary.. since i fell asleep on the couch.. made chilli and headed over to the guys apartment to eat.

here are a few pictures from the night. we all ate and then john led us in worship which was so neat. kinda like the cab ride from the airport reminded me of Vietnam.. sitting in a tiny apartment singing with people from all over the world really made me flashback. maik read 2 Corinthians 4 and then it was read in cantonese and then mandarin by a couple of the students... so cool.

...."so we do not lose heart. though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner natureis being renewed day by day. for this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. for the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

i found sparkling cider at the store so we opened that up for the count down 'til midnight. one of the students said: "who brought this?" ... "that is SO American." well, yes, i guess it is.

we watched the count down in victoria harbor (the place we walked by the first day) and for a second i wished we had been there in person and then i thought about that personal space thing again... and i was happy to be a 5 minute walk to my bed.

snapshots.

2009-12-30T03:19:00.000-08:00

reunions. starbucks. star walk. HK Island. star ferry. set lunch. buses. sore feet. MTR. bagel chips? bagel chips. jet lag. crowds. homemade dinner. bed.

hey, HK

2009-12-29T19:39:00.001-08:00

from Nashville, to a snowy Detroit, to Tokyo to Hong Kong.. I made it!

good morning, HK! here's the view from mary, katie and malorie's apartment where i get to live for the next several weeks.. kinda cloudy but you can see the mountains in the distance..

here is part of the crew that met me at the airport.. SO glad to see all of them. the girls crammed in the backseat of a taxi.. kinda feels like summer of '07 in Vietnam.

before finidng my gate with the handy "i don't understand Japanese" computer in the Tokyo airport..

this is what i was supposed to read to figure out where to catch my connecting flight:

Japan was a quick stop but I did find a little coffe shop and ordered a delicious mocha somethin'.
we're off exploring part of the city today.. i still can't believe i am here.

jour⋅ney

2009-12-27T18:17:00.000-08:00

jour⋅ney [noun]: a traveling from one place to another, usually taking a rather long time; trip

{my masters program requires an international practicum.. when I found out I was going to need to travel cross-culturally to fulfill this requirement, I asked about going to HK. It was approved and here I am setting out on a three week adventure in Hong Kong}

Arrive Nashville Airport: 5:30 AM

Depart Nashville: 8:35AM

a brief stop in Detroit, MI and Tokyo, Japan and then Tuesday morning at 8:55 AM CST (10:55PM local time) I will be in Hong Kong to see these faces:What a great belated Christmas!

It's hard to believe that I get to journey around the world to see how God is using each of these lives. I am humbled to get to have a front row seat for the next several weeks.....see you in Hong Kong!

if it wasn't for Texas.

2009-12-17T09:10:00.000-08:00

There wouldn't be no Alamo
No Cowboys in the Super Bowl
No "Lonesome Dove", No "Yellow Rose"
If it wasn't for Texas.

I wouldn't be a Willie fan
Nobody would swim the Rio Grand
I wouldn't be an American
If it wasn't for Texas.

CHORUS
Fort Worth would never cross my mind
There'd be no Austin city limit sign
No Lone Star of any kind,
If it wasn't for Texas.

I'd never gone to Tennessee
to sing my songs and chase my dreams,
Only heaven knows just where I'd be
If it wasn't for Texas.

Fort Worth would never cross my mind
There'd be no Austin City limit sign
No Lone Star of any kind
If it wasn't for Texas.

It made me the man I am,
Thank God for my old stomping ground.
I wouldn't be standing right here right now
If it wasn't for Texas,
If it wasn't for Texas,
If it wasn't for Texas.

running {b}log

2009-12-14T07:39:00.000-08:00

some things i took in while running: personal space doesn't exist on road races EVER. runners are just plain friendly. i've never seen anyone running a race barefoot.. until yesterday. ouch. i've never seen anyone stop and down a 12oz can of beer .. and KEEP RUNNING.. until yesterday. many shirts with Isaiah 40, Philippians 4:13, people with endurance, strength, encouragement, accomplishment, excitement in their faces. SO many people excited to see all the runners going by.. cheering and encouragement given by complete strangers. my favorite is hearing people say "you're almost done" whether at mile 3 or 12. it was a great day. perfect weather and such a good time to get in the zone to think, pray and just let the mind wander..

i think the best part was "training" and then running white rock with these two:i could not ask for 2 better roomates and friends. they are simply the best. i can't believe it's been a year and a half and transition is about to happen again... oh boy. glad there are many more races to be run....

i'll take that.

2009-12-03T18:03:00.000-08:00

"When we heard of the Auburn fans chanting at the end of Fridays game "It's great to be an Auburn Tiger" we knew there was something special about the excitement around this football team. The Tigers have everything we are looking for in a New Year's Day team. They are a tough, exciting team, extremely well coached and...have what might be the best fans in college football." -Jim McVay, Outback Bowl Pres./CEO
war eagle.

i need directions.

2009-11-23T12:16:00.001-08:00

when sharing the gospel it's important to think about where people are coming from...

like giving directions to your house don't you usually ask where the person will be coming from in order to give them the best directions?

why don't we apply this to this faith journey we are all on...

(thanks @kendallgayle.)

saturday afternoon.

2009-11-14T14:19:00.001-08:00

all week I have been craving this:

but my two weeks for this year have come and gone..

(lake michigan)

so instead I settled for a run here:

(white rock lake)

because i am training for this:

the funny thing is that it was hotter here:

on an afternoon in november than it gets in the peak of the summer here:

@donmilleris

2009-11-09T10:54:00.000-08:00

"our culture tells us conflict is bad and not supposed to happen, but they do happen, they're supposed to happen and a beautiful story can not be told without it. people who avoid conflict do not live beautiful or meaningful stories." - donald miller.

last night i was able to go meet and hear one of my favorite authors speak. he takes a perspective on being a believer that i really appreciate. i'm not saying he's got it figured out because he doesn't but i love what he has to say and his ability to communicate about God, life and our story.

here are some words from last night that i was able to write down and definitely got me thinking:

conflict serves us. it makes a story beautiful.

God intends for you to feel things you don't want to feel.

man exists to find meaning in a story. when he can't find meaning he numbs himself with pleasure.

meaning trumps pleasure.

when we are telling stories with our lives we are showing people what is worth living for.
abundant life isn't pleasure. it's living a life of meaning.

i realize this doesn't do his story justice.. but it's a good glimpse at what he has to say. i'm excited about reading his newest book

some thoughts on halloween.

2009-10-26T20:35:00.000-07:00

I'd like to propose something to ponder. Would it be so bad if we toned down Halloween just a bit? I love Halloween for kids. I like the candy... in moderation. I'm an advocate for pumpkins, hay rides and fall festivals. But, Ivy and I have pin pointed a few things that make Halloween our least favorite day of the year.

-It has monopolized orange and black. I might want to wear that color scheme other times than October 31.
-It brings out the factors of obesity and lack of appreciation. What happened to the good old trick or treat, one candy rule and thanks? These days kids ring the door bell obsessively and grab as much candy as one fist can hold. Then, run off before you can take a look at their cute costume (one of the few redeeming qualities of the holiday).
-It's a total beating to come up with a creative costume. At the end of the beating, I resort to pulling out the blue prom dress and being Cinderella one more year. Ivy resorts to pulling out the overalls and being the country girl one more year.

-Apparently, it's the one day that is appropriate to walk around in public as a sexy nurse, playboy bunny or a woman firefighter in a bustier.
-Males find their one opportunity to show off their hot bod in spandex. Come on, no one wants to see that.
-The excess of chocolate candy gives Ivy headaches and well we all know how I feel about chocolate..
-The fake cob webs, gigantic spiders and blow up goblins are not cute in any front yard.

But let's be honest, come Saturday you'll see me in my glass slippers and Ivy in her cowboy boots.

worthy of a top ten.

2009-10-18T21:01:00.000-07:00

this weekend deserves a top ten list. so here we go:

1.friends being in town.
2. campisi's pizza
3. corner market bakery for breakfast and society bakery cupcakes for dessert
4. the texas state fair
5. good football (which doesn't necessarily guarantee a win)
6. fried fair food (the triple f)
7. the biggest ferris wheel in the world
8. banana grams (a game everyone should know how to play)
9. skyping with friends in Boston and Hong Kong
10. perfect weather

hope.

2009-09-27T05:46:00.000-07:00

Here is the shoe warehouse in Guatemala City. Our shoes for this trip were stuck in customs after being sent in June.. but because of the stock here in Guatemala all of the kids were able to have shoes in their size.

Brynn and I with our wonderful friends and translators: Jenny, Melissa and Francisco.

Meet my friend, Danny. He lives at the baby home in Guatemala City and loved playing with my hair.

This is Alejandra. She has the sweetest personality and talked and played with my camera the whole time we were at the baby home. This is her self portrait.

This is Brittney and her daughter Leslie. Brittney is 15 and has quite the life story. She and Leslie live at the single moms' home and are doing great. Leslie goes around saying "hola" and giving besitos (kisses).

Here is our team at the Buckner office in Guatemala City.

This has been on of the most incredible weeks. I have loved every second of it.. I can't wait to come back and love on these kids.

Zacapa and some Xela

2009-09-25T22:31:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures from Zacapa today and Xela yesterday. Sorry they are mixed in..
the picture of the triple bunk beds is my friend Nata showing me how proud he is of where he sleeps and his room.

brynn and i warming our hands over the fire inside on our way back from xela.. i didn't think i would ever get cold on this trip.. but it is winter here.

again.. sorry for these being short and sweet. just wanted you to see some of my favorites

we are back in guatemala city tonight and will be visiting the kids in the transition home tomorrow along with our closing dinner. how is this week almost over?

Antigua y Xela

2009-09-23T20:00:00.000-07:00

So, due to spotty internet and being completely exhausted I am going to fill you in on yesterdeay and today. Yesterday we were in Antigua, Guatemala which is truly one of the most beautiful places I have ever been to. The pictures are from Manchen which is a girls home there. These girls are mostly between the ages of 12 and 16 and if they don't already have a baby they are pregnant. They absolutely love people and more importantly need love and attention themselves. The pictures are me and Brynn with several of the girls and then me "babysitting" while his mom got a new pair of shoes. You should read blog.itsyourmission.com for an incredible description of what we saw and experienced yesterday.

Today in Xela, we went to two different orphanages. The first one was filled with over 100 kids and they were the most well behaved, appreciiative kids. They were so precious. Every single one of them was so proud of what little they had and wanted to show it off. Several of them were siblings and were able to all be together. Nata was a little boy that quickly became my favorite. I have a picture on my camera but not where I can post it. We connected and were able to carry a conversation.

Next we went to a home more in the middle of Xela that was full of so many eager and excited kids. My favorite part of the day was hearing about one of the groups that didn't have enough shoes to go around because there were some new kids. A boy named Vincint who had already gotten a new pair took them off and gave them to the new kid without hesitation. We ended up having extras so Vincint did get a new pair of shoes too.

More later.. we have to get up at 4am tomorrow to drive to Zecapa. I'm exausted but having a blast and LOVING every minute of it.

Guatemala City

2009-09-21T20:41:00.000-07:00

Here we are! Affectionately called B1 and B2, B's, the blonds.. etc. Guatemala has been a blast so far. Our team is great and we are getting to see and spend time with some precious kids. Here is Brynn and I holding babies at Naranjito in Guatemala City.

Let's just say I'm thankful for high school Spanish and I love Guatemalan coffee.

It's so cool to see the love of Christ in the eyes of these kids. More later..

this week..

2009-09-20T10:30:00.000-07:00

I will be in Guatemala loving on orphans with a team made up of people of all ages from all over!

Keep up with us this week..

blog.itsyourmission.com

Naomi Gillem

2009-08-24T09:45:00.000-07:00

The temperament of sports fans around the world ranges from the wild behavior of Latin American and European soccer enthusiasts to the silent, sophisticated viewers of nip-and-tuck chess championships in the Soviet Union.

Here at NHC we believe we have the “cream de la crème” of fans. Her name is Naomi Gillem, that tiny, little 93 year-old lady in Apt. 239 who thrives on a steady diet of sports telecasts and devours her Sports Illustrated magazine as soon as it arrives every Wednesday.

“Miss Nomie’s” love affair with sports began in Carroll County in northwest Tennessee where she, two sisters and her parents lived on a 200-acre farm and grew sweet potatoes. Despite her petite size – 4’11”, 121 pounds- she was a three-year member on McKenzie High School’s “Blue Cyclones” basketball team.

She completed two years at Bethel College before she married Sam Gillem in 1937 and moved to Nashville where her sport of choice was fishing on Old Hickory Lake. She says that one time she “caught a great big catfish but never could get the hook out of its mouth.”

In 1956, when her son reached college age and large tuition payments loomed, she went to work as a clerk-typist for the National Guard. It was supposed to be a temporary position but she stayed there for 24 years and retired in 1980.

For most of her adult life gardening and cooking ran a close second to sports as “Miss Nomie's’” major interests. A few years ago a national magazine ran a wonderful picture of her holding a basket of tomatoes from her garden and quoted her family as saying “It wouldn’t be summer without Naomi’s tomatoes.” Her interests also included growing “all kinds of flowers from petunias to Knockout roses.”

In a wide-ranging interview for this profile, Naomi filled in some of the details of her pre-occupation with sports. For example:

1. Baseball and basketball are her favorites, with SEC football a close third.

2. Her favorite teams are the Tennessee Volunteers and the Atlanta Braves.

3. Her favorite athletes are Peyton Manning, former UT quarterback, and “Chipper” Jones, the Braves third-baseman.

In addition to her two children Naomi has three grandchildren and 5 great-grandchildren. All but one live in nearby Brentwood.

Naomi thinks NHC is a “nice comfortable place to live” but wishes she had a stove “so I could do some real cooking.”

In a surprise conclusion to our preparation for this profile we discovered that when Naomi’s son Tom was a sports writer for The Nashville Tennessean, one of his best friends was the late George Leonard, Sports Editor of The Nashville Banner, and the husband of Ellouise Leonard, a long-time Assisted Living resident. We introduced Tom and Ellouise and excused ourselves.

365

2009-08-14T10:34:00.000-07:00

= the number of days i have lived in the state of texas.. i may not have been here ALL 365 but it's where i moved a year ago today. now that is just crazy.

i still do not have a texas flag in my possession so i guess that means i'm in the clear thus far of being converted to "texan." however, the scale on which good mexican food is usually measured has officially been thrown out the window and i'm a real "tex-mex snob."

hong kong

2009-08-01T19:21:00.000-07:00

I'm in Leland, Michigan soaking up the sun, reading and enjoying some relaxing with family and friends -- more on biking and kayaking adventures later..

but I can't help but think about my friends who are moving tomorrow. it's kinda funny how many people in the past month or so have gotten jobs and moved on or finally settling down after grad school.. but this crew that makes the move tomorrow are under slightly different circumstances.. their move involves getting on a plane and flying to hong kong where they will begin a chapter of their lives not like many people that i know..

cat and scott, jason, matt, april, josh, caleb and luke - i am SO excited for tomorrow and cannot wait to hear as you continue on this journey.. talk to you soon but see you in december!

mattdean.blogspot.com
catandscott.blogspot.com
readingmary.com

the word of the year: transition

2009-07-06T13:00:00.000-07:00

While this is by no means an article based on God and his plan or the fact that He is consistency and in control.. it makes you think. A friend posted it from the magazines website. It makes me think so much of transition that has happened in the past year. I think of friends who are about to make a huge transition by moving halfway around the world and I think of so many more life transitions that happen around us everyday..it talks about community and the importance of it..it also talks about change and how we do and do not handle it. I don't know if you'll like it but I thought it was interesting nonetheless..

The Transition Initiative

Changing the scale of change

by Jay Griffiths

Published in the July/August 2009 issue of Orion magazine

A WHILE AGO, I heard an American scientist address an audience in Oxford, England, about his work on the climate crisis. He was precise, unemotional, rigorous, and impersonal: all strengths of a scientist.

The next day, talking informally to a small group, he pulled out of his wallet a much-loved photo of his thirteen-year-old son. He spoke as carefully as he had before, but this time his voice was sad, worried, and fatherly. His son, he said, had become so frightened about climate change that he was debilitated, depressed, and disturbed. Some might have suggested therapy, Prozac, or baseball for the child. But in this group one voice said gently, “What about the Transition Initiative?”

If the Transition Initiative were a person, you’d say he or she was charismatic, wise, practical, positive, resourceful, and very, very popular. Starting with the town of Totnes in Devon, England, in September 2006, the movement has spread like wildfire across the U.K. (delightfully wriggling its way into The Archers, Britain’s longest-running and most popular radio soap opera), and on to the U.S., Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and Japan. The core purpose of the Transition Initiative is to address, at the community level, the twin issues of climate change and peak oil—the declining availability of “ancient sunlight,” as fossil fuels have been called. The initiative is set up to enable towns or neighborhoods to plan for, and move toward, a post-oil and low-carbon future: what Rob Hopkins, founder of the Transition Initiative, has termed “the great transition of our time, away from fossil fuels.”

Part of the genius of the movement rests in its acute and kind psychology. It acknowledges the emotional effect of these issues, from that thirteen-year-old’s sense of fear and despair, to common feelings of anger, impotence, and denial, and it uses insights from the psychology of addiction to address some reasons why it is hard for people to detoxify themselves from an addiction to (or dependence on) oil. It acknowledges that healthy psychological functioning depends on a belief that one’s needs will be met in the future; for an entire generation, that belief is now corroded by anxiety over climate change.

Many people feel that individual action on climate change is too trivial to be effective but that they are unable to influence anything at a national, governmental level. They find themselves paralyzed between the apparent futility of the small-scale and impotence in the large-scale. The Transition Initiative works right in the middle, at the scale of the community, where actions are significant, visible, and effective. “What it takes is a scale at which one can feel a degree of control over the processes of life, at which individuals become neighbors and lovers instead of just acquaintances and ciphers. . . participants and protagonists instead of just voters and taxpayers. That scale is the human scale,” wrote author and secessionist Kirkpatrick Sale in his 1980 book, Human Scale.

How big am I? As an individual, five foot two and whistling. At a government level, I find I’ve shrunk, smaller than the X on my ballot paper. But at a community level, I can breathe in five river-sources and breathe out three miles of green valleys.

Scale matters.

We speak of economies of scale, and I would suggest that there are also moralities of scale. At the individual scale, morality is capricious: people can be heroes or mass murderers, but the individual is usually constrained by inner conscience and always constrained by size. While a nation-state can at best offer a meager welfare system, at worst—as the history of nations in the twentieth century showed so brutally—morality need not be constrained by any conscience, and through its enormity a state can engineer a genocide. At the community level, though, morality is complex: certainly communities can be jealous and spiteful and less given to heroism than an individual, yet a community’s power to harm is far less than that of a state, simply because of its size. Further, because there are more niche reasons for people to identify with their community, and simply because there is a greater per-capita responsibility, a community is more susceptible to a sense of shame. Community morality involves a sense of fellow-feeling, is attuned to the common good, far steadier than individual morality, far kinder than the State: its moral range reaches neither heaven nor hell but is grounded, well-rooted in the level of Earth.

STARTING WITH a steering group of just a handful of people in one locality, the motivation to become a Transition community spreads, often through many months of preparation, information-giving, and awareness-raising of the issues of climate change and peak oil. In those months, there are talks and film screenings, and a deliberate attempt to encourage a sense of a community’s resilience in the face of stresses. When members of the steering group judge that there is enough support and momentum for the project, it is launched, or “unleashed.”

Keeping an eye on the prize (reducing carbon emissions and oil dependence), Transition communities have then looked at their own situation in various practical frames—for example, food production, energy use, building, waste, and transport—seeking to move toward a situation where a community could be self-reliant. At this stage, the steering group steps back, and various subgroups can form around specific aspects of transitioning. Strategies have included the promotion of local food production, planting fruit trees in public spaces, community gardening, and community composting. In terms of energy use, some communities have begun “oil vulnerability auditing” for local businesses, and some have sought to re-plan local transport for “life beyond the car.” In one Transition Town there are plans to make local, renewable energy a resource owned by the community, in another there are plans to bulk-buy solar panels as a cooperative and sell them locally without profit. There are projects of seed saving, seed swapping, and creating allotments—small parcels of land on which individuals can grow fruit and vegetables.

“The people who see the value of changing the system are ordinary people, doing it for their children,” says Naresh Giangrande, who was involved in setting up the first Transition Town. “The political process is corrupted by money, power, and vested interests. I’m not writing off large corporations and government, but because they have such an investment in this system, they haven’t got an incentive to change. I can only see us getting sustainable societies from the grassroots, bottom-up, and only that way can we get governments to change.” In the States, the “350” project (the international effort to underscore the need to decrease atmospheric carbon dioxide to 350 parts per million) is similarly asking ordinary people to signal to those in power. If change doesn’t come from above, it must come from below, and politicians would be unwise to ignore the concern about peak oil and climate change coming from the grassroots.

The grassroots. Both metaphorically and literally. Transition Initiative founder Rob Hopkins used to be a permaculture teacher, and permaculture’s influence is wide and deep. As permaculture works with, rather than against, nature, so the Transition Initiative works with, rather than against, human nature; it is as collaborative and cooperative in social tone as permaculture is in its attitude toward plants and, like permaculture, is prepared to observe and think, slowly.

One of the subgroups that Transition communities typically use is called “Heart and Soul,” which focuses on the psychological and emotional aspects of climate crisis, of change, of community. Importantly, people are encouraged to be participants in the conversation, not just passive spectators: it is a nurturant process, involving anyone who wants to be a part. Good conversation involves quality listening, for an open-minded, attentive listener can elicit the best thoughts of a speaker. Giangrande says that the Transition Initiative—which has used keynote speakers—is also exploring the idea of keynote listeners as “a collaborative way of learning how to use knowledge.” When I asked exactly what that would involve, he couldn’t be specific, because it was still only an idea, which is revealing of the Transition process, very much a work-in-progress. The fact that they were trying out an idea without being able to predict the results has a vitality to it, an intellectually energetic quality, a profound liveliness.

The Transition Initiative describes itself as a catalyst, with no fixed answers, unlike traditional environmentalism, which is more prescriptive, advocating certain responses. Again unlike conventional environmentalism, it emphasizes the role of hope and proactiveness, rather than guilt and fear as motivators. Whether intentionally or not, environmentalism can seem exclusive, and the Transition Initiative is whole-heartedly inclusive.

While in many ways the Transition Initiative is new, it often finds its roots in the past, in a practical make-do-and-mend attitude. There is an interesting emphasis on “re-skilling” communities in traditional building and organic gardening, for example: crafts that were taken for granted two generations ago but are now often forgotten. Mandy Dean, who helped set up a Transition Initiative in her community in Wales, describes how her group bought root stocks of fruit trees and then organized grafting workshops; it was practical, but also “it was about weaving some ideas back into culture.”

In the British context, the memory of World War II is crucial, for during the war people experienced long fuel shortages and needed to increase local food production—digging for victory. In both the U.K. and the U.S., the shadow of the Depression years now looms uncomfortably close, encouraging an attitude of mending rather than buying new; tending one’s own garden; restoring the old.

To mend, to tend, and to restore all expand beautifully from textiles, vegetables, and furniture into those most quiet of qualities; to restore is restorative, to tend involves tenderness, to mend hints at amends. There is restitution here of community itself.

FOR ALL OF HUMAN HISTORY, people have engaged with the world through some form of community, and this is part of our social evolution. Somewhere deep inside us all is an archived treasure, the knowledge of what it is to be part of a community via extended families, locality, village, a shared fidelity to common land, unions, faith communities, language communities, co-operatives, gay communities, even virtual communities, which, for all their unreality, still reflect a yearning for a wider home for the collective soul. The nineteenth-century artist William Morris spoke of the gentle social-ism that he called fellowship: “Fellowship is life, and lack of fellowship is death.”

People never need communities more than when there are threats to security, food, and lives. The Transition Initiative recognizes how much we need this scale now, because of peak oil and climate change. But beyond this concrete need, the lack of a sense of community has negative psychological impacts on individuals across the “developed” world, as people report persistent and widespread feelings of loneliness, isolation, dispossession, alienation, and depression. Beyond a certain threshold, increased income does not create increased happiness, and the false promise of consumerism (buy this: be happy) sets the individual on a quest for a constantly receding goal of their own private fulfillment, while sober evidence repeatedly suggests that happiness is more surely found in contributing toward a community endeavor. (The Buddha smiles a tired, patient smile: “I’ve been telling you that for years.”) Community endeavor increases “social capital,” that captivating idea expressing the value of local relationships, networks, help, and friendships. A rise in social capital could be the positive concomitant of a fall in financial capital that a low-carbon future may entail.

Many people today experience a strange hollow in the psyche, a hole the size of a village. Mandy Dean alludes to this when she explains why she was drawn to the Transition Initiative: “One of the awful things about modern culture is separation and isolation; we’ve broken down almost every social bond, so the one bond left is between parent and child. In this extreme isolation, we don’t interact except with the television and the computer. We’ve lost something, and we don’t know what it is, and we try to fill it with food and alcohol and shopping but it’s never filled—what we’ve lost is our connection to our community, our place, and nature. Stepping back away from that isolation is very healing for people; getting people into groups where they can do things together starts to reverse that isolation.”

FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS, nation-states have attacked communities. Earliest and most emblematic were the enclosures: when governments passed laws to privatize common land, the spirit of collectivity was undermined as surely as the site of it. The vicious system of reservations for Native Americans robbed people of communities of land and stole from them the communal autonomy central to their cultural survival. Indigenous people all over the world have found their language communities assaulted, fracturing even their ability to speak. From the monster-enclosures of colonialism to the subtle but strangulating enclosures of Time, through which people ceased to “own” their own time, instead being corralled into the factory-time of industrial capitalism, the idea and the actuality of community has been eroded in countless ways. “There is no such thing as society”—the most sociopathic lie ever uttered by a British prime minister—was Thatcher’s summing up as she and Reagan broke the unions, and for decades agribusiness has destroyed the lives and dignity of campesinos in South America, while neoliberalism has wreaked havoc on communities across the world. And there are seemingly trivial examples that nonetheless are cumulatively important; in contemporary Britain the mass closures of pubs tear the fabric that knits communities together.

The colonial powers practiced the policy of “divide and rule,” usually dividing one community from another, but in contemporary society there is a more insidious policy of “atomize and rule.” The world of mass media fragments real societies into solitary individuals, passive recipients of information, consuming the faked-up society that television, in particular, provides, and one result of this is that the public, political injustices that communities have habitually analyzed and acted upon (food-poverty, housing-poverty, fuel-poverty, or time-poverty) have been rendered as merely an individual’s private problems.

It’s interesting (and not a little sad) that although the French Revolution announced that it stood for three things, only two of these (Liberty and Equality) have survived in political parlance while the third, Fraternity, has been made to sound both quaint and unnecessary. For decades, the voice of the State has declared that community solidarity is occasionally dangerous (unions are “too powerful and need to be destroyed”) or, like fraternity, rather parochial. What, though, could be more parochial than the voice of the mass media? Rejecting the rainbow of pluralism (the magnificent myriad Other upon Other upon Other, the Pan-Otherness by which all communities are Other to someone), the mass media broadcasts itself in mono. Narrow. Singular. Very, very parochial in its tight and exclusive remit.

In the long fetch of the wave, the Transition Initiative should be seen as a new formulation of a very old idea. We are ineluctably and gloriously social animals. We want fellowship. We flock, we gather, we chirp, we howl, we sing, we call, and we listen. If the Transition Initiative is empowering for communities, that is because there is an enormous latent energy there to be tapped, so that communities may be authors of their own story, hopeful, active, and belonging, rather than despairing, passive, and cynical.

Naresh Giangrande, in Totnes, tells me about a session they are designing on the theme of Belonging. Belonging, of course, is a lovely boomerang of an idea—where do you belong? Can that place belong to you? “Through the Transition Initiative,” says Giangrande, “we can talk about things in public which are normally only talked about privately. We all have a deep wound about belonging to the Earth.”

The Transition Initiative, says Giangrande, is “a movement that could be world-changing. And it is heartwarming to see how good-natured and good most people are—it revives my sense of community. It completely contradicts the image of human nature in the media, portraying it as greedy and selfish, competitive, nasty, and unsocial. That’s a self-reinforcing prophecy. We’re setting up the reverse. And we’re asking: will you join us?” People have flocked to do so. At the time of this writing, there are 146 Transition Initiatives, and by the time you read this there will be far more.

One of its techniques is in strengthening all that is associative, and attempting to democratize power, with a fine understanding of that particular social grace which seeks to create what Martin Buber called The Between.

What is it, The Between? Fertile, delicious, and powerful, it is the edge of meeting. The cocreated place of pure potential, a coevocation of possibility. The delicate point of meeting between you and him. Between them. Between us. What is the geometry of The Between? I could explain best if we went down to the pub, you and I (mine’s a glass of red wine, anything as long as it’s not Merlot, yeuch, that’s like drinking cold steel), and the geometry of The Between is as simple and direct as the line of our eyes across the table. It’s horizontal, equal, fraternal. We might have a chat with a couple of the old farmers, and my pal the vicar might be there with his guitar and best of all is when the harpist plays, which he does, very occasionally.

Warm with conviviality and wine, I might wander home and switch on the television (except for the fact that I gave it away some years ago), and Sky News would be showing me a parade of celebrities, each making me feel that little bit more insignificant. Celebrity culture is an opposite of community, informing us that these few nonsense-heads matter but that the rest of us do not. Insidiously, the television tells me I am no one. If I was Someone, I’d be on telly. In this way, television dis-esteems its viewers, and celebrity culture is both a cause and a consequence of the low self-esteem that mars so many people’s lives. So, the unacknowledged individual is manipulated into a jealousy of acknowledgment, which is why it is so telling that huge numbers of young people insist that when they grow up they want to be a celebrity. They are quite right. (Almost.) That is nothing less than they deserve, for we all need acknowledgment (but not fame). We all need recognition (but not to be “spotted” out shopping). We all need to be known, we need our selves confirmed by others, fluidly, naturally. A sense of community has always provided these familiar, unshowy acts of ordinary recognition, and the Transition Initiative, like any wise community, offers simple acknowledgment, telling us we are all players.

“MISTAKEN, APPALLING, AND DANGEROUS” is how the Transition Initiative has been described, which is the kind of criticism you covet, knowing that the speaker is an oil industry professional and author of The Myth of the Oil Crisis. Others have criticized it for being insufficiently confrontational. There are also criticisms from within: a tension between those who prefer fast action and those who prefer slow consideration, for the movement is both urgent and slow. It is transformatively sudden, and yet uses the subtle, tentative questioning of long dialogues within communities, a very slow process of building a network of relationships within the whole community.

In the language of climate change science, there are many tipping points, where slow causations are suddenly expressed in dramatic, negative consequences. The conference I attended when I met the scientist speaking of his unhappy son was called Tipping Point, and in a sense the Transition Initiative places itself as a social tipping point, with dramatic and positive consequences where the sudden wisdom of communities breaks through the stolid unwisdom of national government.

“We’re doing work for generations to come,” says Giangrande. You can’t change a place overnight, he says, but you have to begin now in the necessary urgency of our time. “We’re facing a historical moment of choice—our actions now [are] affecting the future. Now’s the time. The system we know is breaking down. Yet out of this breakdown, there are always new possibilities.” It’s catagenesis, the birth of the new from the death of the old. The process is “so creative and so chaotic,” says Giangrande. “Let it unfold—allow it—the key is not to direct it but to encourage it. We’ve developed the A to C of transition. The D to Z is still to come.” Brave, this, and very attractive. It is catalytic, emergent, and dynamic, facing forward with a vivid vitality but backlit with another kind of ancient sunlight: human, social energy.

a battle? yes a battle.

2009-06-26T12:14:00.001-07:00

Jesus told us that we were in a battle against the darkness of this world. We are the light that fights against the darkness (Matthew 5:14-16). The world will hate us because of our affiliation with Jesus and the army of the light (Mark 13:13). Paul picks up on this motif and calls us to ready ourselves for the battle we face (Ephesians 6:11). John tells us that we wage a war against the evil in this world and if the world hated Jesus then surely it will hate us (1 John 3:13).

“The World” in these passages does not seem to be the people in the world (Jesus calls us to love them), but rather, some dark hold that evil has over the world. Over and over again, the New Testament writers refer to the spiritual battle that the church must fight … and that fight is NEVER against other people, but rather, against dark spiritual forces. Keep in mind that Jesus had the most compassion for those who were most possessed by evil (most in the grip of the world), and little patience with those who self-righteously judged them. That being said … the Scripture undoubtedly calls us into a spiritual battle. Nowhere is that call to spiritual arms more evident than in John’s Revelation.

I’ll begin by saying that this is not meant to be an exposition or explanation of the End Times. I am not trying to set down a rigid interpretation of the book of Revelation. I simply want to examine how John obviously saw the church as an army fighting against Satan and his evil grip on the world. John tells us, for instance, that the Dragon (Satan) makes war against the inhabitants of the earth. Most succumb to his power without a fight. However, he intensifies his attack on those who remain faithful to Jesus (Revelation 12:12-17). This remnant that remains loyal to God is the true Church and she is vividly portrayed as an army in a great battle against evil.

The Anti-Christ and his followers will make war against the Lamb (Jesus) and his followers (the Church). This war will be horrific and violent, but Jesus and the Church will prevail (Revelation 17:14-18). John portrays the final battle between good and evil. Satan and his army of millions stand ready to destroy the Saints (the Church). The battle lines are drawn and the battle is about to commence when God intervenes and casts Satan and his followers into the fire of eternal torment (Revelation 20:1-10).

I could go on, but you get the point – We are an army fighting a battle against evil. Let’s pause here to list some basic principles about the church that we have learned from the military motif.

1. The church is in a global and epic battle against Satan and his reign of evil.

2. The church is under constant and aggressive attack from Satan and his powerful allies.

3. The church was created and equipped for this battle.

4. Ultimately, the battle will be won by the power of God.

{Pastor Ellis Orozco - First Baptist Church of Richardson}

deal with it

2009-06-09T07:59:00.000-07:00

I recently re-signed up to get the Runner's World weekly e-mail. It's fun to read about upcoming races and marathons (most of which I won't be doing) and to read what the experts say about the sport.. This one kinda kicked me in the gut because even though I love running, there are days that I try to find any excuse to cut it short or make it easier... nope. deal with it.

The Pain: Feeling Sick in Anticipation of a Run- Deal With It:
Remember Your Strengths Researchers at the University of Illinois recently reported that athletes who believed they could tolerate leg-muscle pain performed better in a running test than those who doubted their ability to withstand pain. "Think of all the other challenging workouts and races you've done to remind yourself of how strong and capable you are," says sports psychology consultant and marathoner Kay Porter, Ph. D., of Eugene, Oregon.

The Pain: Struggling Through Mile Repeats-Deal With It:
Run With Purpose Don't dwell on how much you hurt. Rather, focus on your rationale for training. "Tell yourself, 'I'm working this hard because...' and then fill in your performance goal," says Jim Taylor, Ph. D., a performance psychologist and sub-three-hour marathoner in San Francisco.

The Pain: Climbing a ?@*#! Mountain-Deal With It:
Repeat a Mantra "If you connect pain with a negative emotion, you'll feel more pain," says Taylor. "Connect it with a positive thought, and you'll feel less." Create a positive affirmation you can call upon during tough bouts. It worked for Matt Gabrielson, who repeated "Go!" and "Do this now!" while racing the 2008 USA Marathon Championship and the 2008 Twin Cities Marathon—he placed second at both.

The Pain: Hitting a Low- Deal With It:
Know It Will Pass Seasoned runners like Barton know that pain not related to an injury is often fleeting, and this knowledge is sometimes enough to help ride out the unpleasantness. "I learned that the pain comes and goes, and so at future races I was ready for it," she says. "I could take it because I knew what to expect." During di" cult moments, put the pain in perspective. Remind yourself that the discomfort is temporary, and each step forward is one closer to the finish. Research has even shown that pain is often purely in your head and not an accurate signal of physical distress. Keeping this in mind will enable you to push through the discomfort so you can run faster or longer.

The Pain: Long-Run Fatigue- Deal With It:
Think of the Payoff "Don't get too emotionally involved with the pain or get upset when you feel it," Taylor says. "Detach yourself and simply use it as information." Ask yourself where the pain is and why it's happening. And if it's not related to an injury, then acknowledge that this could be an indication that what you're doing is going to help you reach your goal. "Some types of pain tell you that you're pushing yourself, that you're getting better," he says.

The Pain: Gutting out a Hard Patch- Deal With It:
Distract Yourself "Focus on something else while also staying in the moment," says Gabrielson. At mile 18 of the 2006 New York City Marathon, Gabrielson felt a pounding in his quadriceps. "I had to find a way to channel the pain," he says. His solution? As he ran, he studied the faces of the people on the sidelines. Most of them, he recalls, were smiling, cheering him on. Focusing on the pleasure of others around him was just enough to take the edge off and help him reach the finish line in 2:19:53.

I (texas) TN

2009-05-31T10:57:00.000-07:00

erin sent this in an e-mail to me and ivy this week.. i know i can agree with this statement but i think ivy needs more of an introduction to the great state before she feels equally as i do!

white rock lake

2009-05-29T07:51:00.000-07:00

so, after hearing about this place called white rock lake .. through the marathon they have every year, kendall and ivy and other people that know Dallas, I finally got to run there for the first time last night. It was so crowded - there were bikers everywhere - and hot but I think I have found a new running spot that isn't the treadmill at the Y (although the AC can be nice)!

I was a little excited because it was the most outdoors I had really seen in Dallas and you can even see the skyline in the background - pretty cool.

Thanks, Dallas for showing me that you do have some "trail running" to offer.

I think I want to run this in December!

our real situation.

2009-05-02T09:49:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the book I was reading called The Prodigal God? Well, I finished it today and the last 2 chapters had some really good, thought provoking stuff.. the second to last chapter is called "redefining hope" .. Here are some bits and pieces from that chapter ..

"In Jesus' parable the younger brother goes off into a distant country expecting a better life but is disappointed. He begins to long for home, remembering the food in his father's house. So do we all. 'Home' exercises a powerful influence over human life."

"There is a German word for this concept -- Sehmsucht. It denote profound homesickness or longing, but with transcendent overtones."

C.S. Lewis spoke of this in his famous sermon "The Weight of Glory."

"Our commonest expedient is to call it beauty and behave as if that had settled the matter. Wordsworth's expedient was to identify it with certain moments in his own past. But all this is a cheat. If Wordsworth had gone back to those moments in the past, he would not have found the thing itself, but only the reminder of it, what he remembered would turn out to be itself a remembering. The books of the music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what cam through them was longing. These things -- the beauty, the memory of our own past -- are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself....Now we wake to find... we have been mere spectators. Beauty has smiled, but not to welcome us; her face was turned in our direction, but not to see us. We have not been accepted, welcomed, or taken in..."

"Our life-long nostalgia, our longing to be reunited with something in the universe from which we feel cut off, to be on the inside of some door which we have always seen from the outside, is no mere neurotic fancy, but the truest index of our real situation."

"The experience we have been describing is the trace in our souls of this larger story."

"Jesus, unlike the founder of any other major faith, holds out hope for ordinary human life. Our future is not an ethereal, impresonal form of consciousness. We will not float through the air, but rather will eat, embrace, sing, laugh, and dance in the kingdom of God, in the degrees of power, glory, and the joy that we can't at present imagine."

"We will no longer always be wandering and never arriving..."

coffee mugs.

2009-05-01T07:51:00.000-07:00

So these three buddies all met up on campus one alumni weekend and started sharing stories about old times when one of them, remembering the time they spent with a favorite professor, suggested they look up the old guy and see if he was still as sharp as ever. They found the house, knocked on the door and sure enough, the professor was not only at home, but invited them in for some coffee and a chat. One after the other they all took turns regaling one another with all their accomplishments and all the stresses under which they lived life since they had become such big shots… getting bigger.

In the midst of the conversations, the professor served them coffee off a tray with assorted mismatched mugs. Somewhere along the way, each became a little more honest in their self-reflections and began to admit that they were not as happy as they used to be when they were back in college and full of dreams.

Their professor suggested he may have the answer to some of their disappointment in life. “When each of you reached for a mug, you each reached for the newest and best mug, leaving the chipped and older mugs to the next in line. What you wanted was the coffee, but what you took was the mug, each eyeing who got which mug. Let me suggest to you that life is the coffee,….and that jobs, position and money are the mugs, simply tools to deliver to you the best coffee (life).”

(-jeff wilson, ankle high, bumc)

I know Him.

2009-04-29T17:47:00.000-07:00

When asked "do you believe in God?"

She answered, "No. I know God."

- Jackie Pullinger

my fingers just want to type...

2009-04-27T10:47:00.000-07:00

i've been putting out papers like never before the past week or so.. and i'm SO CLOSE to being done...and i'm posting twice today so.. call me crazy or maybe my fingers just can't get enough of typing or maybe this is just really good and i thought i'd post it.. take your pick.

i just wrote a research paper on the doctrine of the trinity and while i'm not an expert (so says my professor because it was a mere 10 pager...) it got me thinking in ways i hadn't before and definitely opened my eyes to the trinity like never before.

so as i was reading a post on mark driscoll's blog (a pastor, author, follower of Jesus among other things..) and he quoted part of a chapter in his new book.. and it was about the trinity.

"Inextricably connected to the doctrine of the Trinity is love. In the very nature of God there is a continuous outpouring of love, communication, and oneness. In perfect love, the three persons are characterized by reciprocal self-dedication to the good of the whole Trinity. Because God is a relational community of love, God is the source and model of all that is love....

Because God commands us to love, we must acknowledge that while it can and should include our emotional feelings, it is not based solely upon them. Despite our emotions, it is always possible to obey God and love because of the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit, who has connected us to the source of all love. Thus, we can love even when we are not feeling loving. That is why the Bible likens love to a fruit of the Spirit's work in our lives (Gal. 5:22-23; Rom. 5:5; 2 Tim. 1:7)."

Listening

2009-04-27T09:15:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to come up with how I wanted to express what I have been thinking/feeling/believing/praying/understanding recently.. and this morning when I read this paragraph it just was it.. My roommate, Ivy, has a blog that is raw honesty about life and her relationship with God. I am blessed beyond words to have a room across the hall from her.. I really could listen to her wisdom for hours. So, thanks Ivy for your thoughts on the book you just finished. It really put into words where I have been recently.

"This is the voice to listen to. And that listening requires a real choice, not just once in a while but every moment of each day and night. It is you who decides what you think, say and do. You can think yourself into a depression, you can talk yourself into low self-esteem, you can act in a self-rejecting way. But you always have a choice to think, speak and act in the name of God and so move toward the Light, the Truth, and the Life."

grace

2009-04-15T13:54:00.000-07:00

But Jesus says: "The humble are in and the proud are out" (see Luke 18:14).

The people who confess they aren't particularly good or open-minded are moving toward God, because the prerequisite for receiving the grace of God is to know you need it.

- The Prodigal God

I just started this book over the weekend. It is Timothy Keller's break down of the Gospel through a familiar parable - the prodigal son: Luke 15:1-3, 11-32.

restoring of the soul

2009-03-17T08:36:00.001-07:00

"surely it would be assumed that anyone in the Good Shepherd's care could never come so distressed in soul as to need restoration."

this is what i was believing for a brief while.. i say brief while because looking back it feels brief but in the midst it feels like a while.

it's funny to me that even a place like Dallas that does not do much freezing so does not have much thawing out to do can feel so fresh and new with the coming of spring. i mean it's everywhere. people just seem to be breathing easier.. or is it me?

with spring comes so much newness.. i have experienced this for 23 years of my life but the place i am in now it just is such a place of peace that i can barely explain. i picked up a book i had heard about that breaks down the 23rd psalm in the eyes of a shepherd and the chapter i read this morning spoke so clearly to the place i feel like i am in.. so i'm going to share..

while i find myself relating so much to this part of the psalm.. in the midst of my frustration. .i knew hope. hope never left me but it was that undying struggle that allows me to know peace before, in the midst and after the strain which in turn is me longing to know the Lord more deeply..

here is what this author describes as a "cast out" sheep

"it is a very pathetic sight..lying on its back, its feet in the air, it flays away frantically struggling to stand up, without success.. it lies there lashing about in frightened frustration... suddenly the center of gravity in the body shifts so that it turns on its back far enough that the feet no longer touch the ground. It may feel a sense of panic and start to paw frantically.."

and then the shepherd.."tenderly rolls the sheep over on its side.. and help to restore the circulation in her legs..this often took quite a little time.. when the sheep started to walk she often just stumbled, staggered and collapsed in a heap once more.. little by little the sheep would regain its equilibrium. .it would start to walk steadily and surely.. set free from its fears and frustrations"

what our God, our shepherd chooses to expose us to will strengthen and fortify our faith and confidence in His control

So with spring in the air, and a fresh hope I am confident in His control.. even when i find myself turned upside down.. i know the hope of the Lord and that can never change.

preparation.

2009-02-12T09:40:00.000-08:00

As I am in Dallas longer and I am able to have more of a grasp on time frame here, I see myself in the midst of preparation on good days and in a holding tank on the harder days... on those days I find myself ready to bust out and see what God has next. Isn't it in those moments where we think we are ready to move on that God chooses to teach us the most about why He has us right where we are?

When I get in that mindset it is so hard for me to see God working through me in the midst of my preparation. I feel inadequate. Again, isn't that the point where God's strength can be most evident?

It's funny how so many things in this world scream at us that the grass is greener on the other side.. well I am choosing to be right where I am knowing full and well that whatever kind of day it is (preparation or holding tank) that God can be glorified.

Read this beautiful prayer.. talk about perspective.
"my Lord God, I haev no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean I am acutally doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always. Though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."

igbok

2009-01-26T11:15:00.000-08:00

I feel like this kinda has been the song in my head these days.. not at all saying that I need to hear it's going to be ok because I am having a hard time but for exactly what it says below.. to be reminded of the hope that I have in every moment. I am so quick to forget this hope. My church in Nashville (yes I realize I live in Dallas, but my church when I am in Nashville) is going through 1 Thessalonians and I am listening along with the journey through the book. I am already challenged and encouraged by it and I have a feeling alot of processing of it will be coming out through the blog.. so stay tuned and ride along with me as I learn more about this book and how I find application for myself and those around me. Below is from the igbok website. It's simple and so true. It's gonna be ok.

igbok – it’s gonna be o.k.
We believe this familiar phrase is the universal language of hope.
Think about it…
When a child skins a knee or gets their feelings hurt; when the medical tests aren’t good; when our hearts are crushed and disappointment overwhelms; when the money is short and the job is gone; when fear rolls in like a storm and anxiety hovers like a fog; when dreams die and hope seems to evaporate; when life is not going the way we thought it would…
Aren’t these the words we long to hear…and believe?
Of course, the mom, the doctor, the boss, the pastor, the friend who tells us “it’s gonna be o.k.” may mean well, but we know in real life they don’t have the ultimate wisdom or power to make these words come true.
But what if God – the creator, sustainer, redeemer of creation – made this promise? What if God shouted and whispered “igbok” from Genesis to Revelation? He’s the only one who could make this promise…and keep it.
If He did, then we have reason to hope.
We think He did.
In the Greater Story of “creation, fall, redemption and the recreation,” God makes this promise and delivers on it to fallen, fragile, fearful people – “it’s gonna be o.k.”
igbok is the ongoing conversation we have been having with each other since our friendship began back in 2004. It’s a dialogue about the nature of faith and hope. We’d love for you to join us.
If you find any encouragement – any hope – we pray it will not be rooted in our thoughts or words, but in the Word made flesh. He’s the only source of real hope, authentic hope, trustworthy hope, life giving hope.
And He promises…”it’s gonna be o.k.”
– David Arms and Lloyd Shadrach

time.

2009-01-20T08:12:00.000-08:00

Have I become a soul so numb

All too familiarWords of gold

have all grown coldOver and over

I need to see you in the sunrise

Time takes its toll on us

And it tries its best just to steal our love

And we bend and we break

but we don’t give up

Time takes its toll on us

From the start

you touched my heart

And turned it in to something moreBeautiful,

you’re beautiful

So why does it have to be so hard

To see you in the sunrise

Time takes, time takes away

Love remains, love remains

2009-01-11T13:59:00.000-08:00

"Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for you feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord."

Hebrews 12:12-14

So often rather than striving for peace with everyone and holiness with the Lord I find myself

an ode to my neighborhood starbucks..

2008-12-18T09:00:00.000-08:00

If you know me, you know my love for coffee and as much as I love my coffee I love finding my "spot" in a coffee shop.

Well, when I moved to Dallas one of the first things Ivy showed me was our neighborhood starbucks that is WALKING distance from our house. So, since August you could find me with my misto in hand at the table in the corner of that starbucks pretty much every morning.

She also told me that she had heard our beloved starbucks was supposed to be closing.. there was talk of a petition (I am serious) but it didn't work. The big guys in the world of the coffee shop industry are not really concerned about one of the tiniest starbucks in Dallas. So, on Monday we found out that December 19 is the last day for our neighborhood starbucks.

Here are some of my favorite parts about my time spent at our starbucks:
1. the people knew me, Ivy and Kendall (by name)
2. they thought my name was Elizabeth for 3 months.. Kendall corrected them for me last week..
3. they thought we were sisters.. nope just Ivy and Kendall
4. They knew what drink I liked when it was hot outside and when it was cold.. I know, kind of ridiculous..
5.When you make friends with the baristas.. they like giving you your drinks on special occasions
6. I loved that we could walk there.. LOVED it.
7. It is one of the coziest starbucks of them all.
8. They asked about me if I had missed a couple mornings.. clearly concerned about my addiction to caffine..
9. on a couple occasions in the early months of fall when it was really busy.. and Ivy and I were in line together they would have 1 iced coffee with caramel and 1 iced coffee with vanilla.. grande and tall waiting for us when we got to the counter.. now that is good.
10. They have the BEST patio for outside seating.. I got to watch the sunrise from that spot on several occasions
11. I love the people that I see there every morning.. the lady doing her Bible study in the big comfy chair .. to the group of adults that come and read the paper together EVERY morning.. and discuss the news.

So, tomorrow will be our last morning at our favorite spot.. I know what you are thinking.. go find another one.. well I guess we will have to but this one just will always have a special place in my heart.

i left my ice scraper in tennessee..

2008-12-16T08:08:00.000-08:00

well last week I didn't believe what I was seeing.. a wintery mix in dallas.. I had heard that it was possible but I think it is one of those you gotta see it to believe it things..

needless to say it has put me in the cozy mood and despite it being a balmy 70 degrees on sunday our fireplace has had a fire in it most nights.. i LOVE it.

now, fast forward to the second wintery mix/mess of the season last night and add Dallas rush hour,

vulnerable.

2008-11-30T21:11:00.000-08:00

It is not the first time I have said this in the past 4 months but I feel like I am riding a roller coaster. I have to be honest and say that while I am not a huge fan of the extra crazy ones.. I tend to like the thrill of a good roller coaster. I think the last one I went on that was cutting edge was the Hulk at Six Flags in Atlanta. You are strapped in at the waist so besides your rear end on the seat and the belt around your waist there isn't much else to feel stable or even connected to the ride. There is one point where you are at the highest point and you come out of your seat just enough for the belt to catch you and for a moment without the belt holding you in you are going to fly out of the seat.. well welcome to the way I feel.. thankful for the belt that is holding me down but not so sure about the seat that is behind me to catch me when I sit back down.

One of my favorite podcasts I have ever listened to is from a series on Nehemiah at Fellowship Bible Church in Nashville (where I go when I am home). The title of the sermon is "Take a Seat." Fitting, huh? It is all about Nehemiah sitting down and facing his realities. If I have learned anything it is that being honest with where you are and what you are feeling can be so liberating.

Well, flying back to Dallas tonight got me thinking about the past week or so and how content I have been.. a good content but there has not been much desperation because I was in a very familiar place and was around familiar people that I knew and that knew me.. which leaves not much room to be uncomfortable.

I was thinking about what coming back to Dallas means to me.. and the conclusion I came to is that it leaves me in a very vulnerable place. That is where I have been since I have moved here.. vulnerable. Is that bad? no. Is it uncomfortable? yes. Do I like being uncomfortable? maybe.

Since the move I have found myself to be more desperate for Jesus that I knew possible. Really. That may sound weird but it's the truth. The days when I feel like I am crawling.. literally clinging to hope I know the steadiness of Jesus. The days when I feel like I am walking upright, I find myself looking back to the days when I felt like I was crawling because I knew I was not
making it on my own.. I needed Jesus to literally survive the day.

So, this roller coaster that I am riding does have a seat for me to sit back down on.. and I do have a seat belt to hold me on the ride whether I like it or not. And whether I choose to believe it or not I am not riding the ride alone.. even if it feels like it sometimes.

I am thankful for knowing more of the character of God and the steadiness He is and will always be and the ride that He takes me on for me to understand it.

He sees tomorrow better than we can see today.

2008-10-23T10:58:00.000-07:00

These are some words from Dr. Denison who is the teaching pastor at my church in Dallas. He is talking about not fearing this week. . hmm pretty appropriate.

"In this sense, perception becomes reality. So, what fear has found you this morning? For every problem we face, there is a promise we can claim from God. And the Lord of the universe always does what he says he'll do. I often say that the character of God requires him to redeem for a greater good all he allows or causes. Because he is holy, he must do the right thing. Because he is love, he wants to. Because he is just, he will.

God's word assures us that "his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness" (Lamentations 3:22-23). Why do you need the promises of God? Which will you claim today?"

and then from today..

"This week we are claiming the "fear not's" of Scripture. Today we learn not to fear the future, so long as we are following our Lord by faith. He was waiting for you when you got up this morning. He sees Friday better than we can see Thursday. He has "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11). He "longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion" (Isaiah 30:18).

What about the future worries you today? Follow Jacob's example: Worship your Lord and seek his help. Name your fear, and give it to him by faith. Then do what he says. Choose to imitate Abraham, who followed God "even though he did not know where he was going" (Hebrews 11:8). Trust your Lord to lead each step as each step comes.

If your Father is taking you to Egypt, it's only because that's the best way to the Promised Land. Do you agree?"

2008-10-22T18:38:00.000-07:00

"In this sense, perception becomes reality. So, what fear has found you this morning? For every problem we face, there is a promise we can claim from God. And the Lord of the universe always does what he says he'll do. I often say that the character of God requires him to redeem for a greater good all he allows or causes. Because he is holy, he must do the right thing. Because he is love, he wants to. Because he is just, he will."

"God's word assures us that "his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness" (Lamentations 3:22-23). Why do you need the promises of God? Which will you claim today?"

It's going to be alright.

2008-10-21T15:44:00.001-07:00

So, last night I was pretty fired up and pretty sure I was about to blow up on the blog .. but today is a new day and this is where I have been brought back to. It is refreshing to know and be experiencing a day like yesterday where I felt like I had stumbled back down a mountain I had just climbed to today where I can't explain it but I have peace.

And again song lyrics are the best description of me right now.. so here is one of my favorites from Sara Groves..on repeat on the ipod right now.

It's going to be alright
It's going to be alright

I can tell by your eyes that you're not getting any sleep
And you try to rise above it, but feel you're sinking in too deep
Oh, oh I believe, I believe that

It's going to be alright
It's going to be alright

I believe you'll outlive this pain in you heart
And you'll gain such a strength from what is tearing you apart
Oh, oh I believe I believe that

It's going to be alright
It's going to be alright

When some time has past us, and the story if retold
It will mirror the strength and the courage in your soul
Oh, oh, I believe I believe,

I believe
I believe

I did not come here to offer you cliche's
I will not pretend to know of all your pain
Just when you cannot, then I will hold out faith, for you

It's going to be alright
It's going to be alright

can't get it out of my head..

2008-10-14T06:13:00.000-07:00

the lyrics to this song..that is.

Shadowfeet by Brook Fraser

Walking,stumbling on these shadowfeet
toward home,a land that i've never seen
I am changing: less and less asleep
made of different stuff than when i began
and i have sensed it all along
fast approaching is the day

[CHORUS]
when the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
when the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
when time and space are through
I'll be found in you

Theres distraction buzzing in my head
saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
but I've heard rumours of true reality
whispers of a well-lit way

[CHORUS]

You make all things new

[CHORUS]

[CHORUS 2]
When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
when time and space are through
I'll be found in you

by a thread..

2008-10-12T20:33:00.000-07:00

This is what can come from picking up a book I have skimmed several times.. but turning to this was words I needed this weekend..

"In the contemplative traditions, he told me, prayer is not primarily about changing things somewhere out there. It is first and foremost about changing something 'in here,' and he patted his chest."

and then the good stuff..

" The most powerful thing that can happen in the place of prayer is that you your self become the prayer. You leave the prayer room able as Jesus' hands and feet on earth. This is what it means to pray continually, to see with the eyes of Jesus and to hear wit His ears with every waking moment."

So yeah, we get that. Right? Or do I? I like to think that I've got it and it's so easy.. no, it's not. But when I look at it this way I find a sense of relief. It's not another to do.. if anything prayer is asking me to put down my to dos..

"Henri Nouwen pointed out, the literal translation of the phrase 'pray always' is 'come to rest.' The Greek word for rest is hesychia and so Nowen wrote, 'Heschia, the rest which flows from unceasing prayer, needs to be sought at all costs, even when the flesh is itchy, the world alluring and the demons noisy.' As we prayed continually, God was speaking to us powerfully about grace.
Prayer, we were reminded, was about climbing into the lap of our Father rather than triggering some vast spiritual machine. It was about coming to rest in constant awareness of God's presence in our undeserving lives, and we must never start striving and straining under the false burdens of guilt."

I think it's the CONSTANT part that gets me every time.. I don't want to be looking for that constant reminder anymore. It's being constantly aware in each moment.

For the past 2 months I feel like I have been hanging on to that consistency by a thread.. and glad to be hanging on because it is a reminder that I am not alone.. so I find myself in the days where I think I am ok looking for that thread to hang onto because I missed not feeling like I had anything together. I think that's where my whole need of a Savior comes into play so I'll take the days where I don't know anything over the days where I think I know everything simply because it brings me to the place where I have nothing but my trust in Jesus.

the city.

2008-09-24T16:51:00.000-07:00

"I can't believe I live in the city." - emily, referring to Boston.

well, I could say the same thing. even though I don't walk out my front door and see tall buildings i get to walk to starbucks.. that to me means the city, right?

but really my favorite thing right now is my drive back from DBU every monday night. it's an 18 mile trek and out there it's all fighting traffic but on the way back it's awesome. when i get about 10 minutes from my house (according to my GPS who is still lacking a name..) i come up on the CITY. and i really like it. it's all lit up and it's almost like someone pinching me and saying wake up, you live in Dallas.

windows down..

2008-09-17T11:40:00.000-07:00

you know those days when you are just giddy and it just can't get much better than the moment you are in.. well i didn't know if that caliber of a moment was possible for me in life right now.. well it happened yesterday.

it was 5:30.. traffic was terrible.. it's dallas.. but the windows were down. the sunroof was open. good music was blaring. . and the sun was in that perfect position where it was just dancing on the tall buildings and on the tops of the cars

in that moment i kind of looked back at myself and thought there is no other place i would rather be right now than right where i am.

when we got to where we were going for dinner it just continued. i haven't laughed so much in a long time. it was just good.

so this morning on my now regular journey to our neighborhood starbucks i was reading in Hebrews 12 about an unshakable kingdom. i think this starts in verse 18
"A kingdom that cannot be shaken"
But you have come to Mt. Zion and to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem and to innumerable angels in festal gathering and to the assembly (church) of the first born who are enrolled in heaven and to God the judge of all and to the spirits of the righteous made perfect and to Jesus the mediator of the new covenant and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word that the blood of Abel. See that you do not refuse him who is speaking. For if they did not escape when they refused him who warned on earth much less will we escape if we reject him who warns from heaven. At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised 'Yet once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens.. Yet once more indicates the removal of things that are shaken - that is things that have been made - in order that THE THINGS THAT CANNOT BE SHAKEN remain.
Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship with reverence and awe for our God is a consuming fire.

I feel that all that can be shaken has been taken from me and the one thing that cannot be shaken remains. It's hard but so so good.. and it makes those moments of good even sweeter.

ruins

2008-09-16T15:02:00.000-07:00

here is a peek into what i have been feeling during the past 4 weeks. i've given up holding things together. bebo's new cd came out today and well this one has been on repeat today..

laying flat upon my back
all the world in motion
every thing goes by so fast
i feel like i'm frozen

after all is said and done
did i fail to mention
everything i haven't done
all my good intentions

this my holy hour
this is my world on fire
this is my desperate play
this is where i am saved

i've no fear no height or depth
i've no fear for crashing
the single thing i fear the most
is simply fearing nothing

this is my holy hour
this is my world on fire
this is my desperate plea
this is where i am made
this is my kingdom come
this is my freedom song
this is my helpless state
this is where i am saved

let me ruins become a ground to build upon.
from what's left of my broken heart

this is my holy hour
this is my world on fire
this is my desperate plea
this is where i am made
this is my freedom song
this is my helpless state
this is where i am saved

re-sown.

2008-05-23T13:13:00.000-07:00

"And that is exactly what Christ warned us you cannot do. If I am a grass field -- all the cutting will keep the grass less but won't produce wheat. If I want wheat...I must be plowed up and re-sown."

love, peace. freedom.. i swear i'm not a hippee

2008-04-23T20:03:00.000-07:00

"This resistance to authority in moral matters is now a deep current in our culture....This over simplifies however. Freedom cannot be defined in strictly negative terms, as the absence of confinement and constraint. In fact, in many cases, confinement and constraint is actually a means to liberation. If you have musical aptitude, you may give yourself to practice, practice, practice piano for years. This is a restriction, a limit on your freedom. There are many other things you won't be able to do with the time you invest in practicing. If you have the talent, however, the discipline and limitation will unleash your ability that would otherwise go untapped. What have you done? You've deliberately lost your freedom to accomplish other things."

"Disciplines and constraints, then liberate us only when they fit with the reality of our nature and capacities....Instead of insisting on freedom to create spiritual reality, shouldn't we be seeking to discover it and disciplining ourselves to live according to it?"

Unbelievable, I think I have read these couple pages at least 3 times today. It hit me. I don't even have any real annotation but needed to type out some of it. I think the points where I find myself most frustrated is when I feel anything but free and worse than just not feeling free.. I feel constrained. So then I am met with this reality of a Savior that knows ME and loves ME and frees ME. I don't think I am the first one to say that is hard to swallow.

2008-03-11T09:38:00.000-07:00

"But there can be no movement in our lives until we are confronted with the reality of our current state

a week from sunday...

2006-07-04T10:57:00.000-07:00

so i was sitting in church on sunday with alot of my high school and college friends, which was crazy and overwhelming in itself, thinking about where i was just a week before...
a week ago sunday i was sending my last set of kids home from Kanakuk.. moving out of the teepee that i had called home for over a month.. and preparing to bring a new set of kids in that were not going to be mine.

i was also thinking about what i would be doing a week from sunday. a week from sunday i would be on the Great Wall of China.

it's kind of crazy to think about the three extremes that i will have expereinced in a matter of days. we are given so many incredible opportunities. wow. let's take hold of them all!

remain steadfast.

It was to Bethany however, that the Lord Jesus resorted so often, and His presence there has assured for Bethany an abiding place in history..

2006-05-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

Memories of Olivet: Bethany on the Mount

Jim Flanigan

The neighboring villages, Bethphage and Bethany, are twice mentioned together in a single verse (Mark 11:1; Luke 19:29).

The Scene and its Location

Nestling on the farther slope of Olivet, they are both hidden from the bustle of Jerusalem. They are close to, and yet remote from, the noisy city. Bethphage may not be so well known or so familiar as Bethany, for the name occurs only three times in Scripture (Matt 21:1; Mark 11;1; Luke 19;29), but its associations with the Savior are equally precious. It was to Bethany however, that the Lord Jesus resorted so often, and His presence there has assured for Bethany an abiding place in history and in the hearts of those who love Him.

There is nothing spectacular or imposing about the village of Bethany either naturally or materially. It is never mentioned in the Old Testament and has no place at all in the early history of the nation. It is in itself a rather insignificant village with just a dusty street or two and a few simple houses. But it has a large place in the affections of the saints and it now appears on almost every map of Israel. What has given it this prominence? It is just the fact that the Lord was there. There they made room for the Savior when so many others had rejected Him. They gave Him a place in their homes and in their hearts and they have not been forgotten. What lessons are here for believers today. We are, in ourselves, completely insignificant, but we too have the privilege of making room for the rejected Lord, in our hearts, in our homes, and in our assemblies.

The Suggested Meanings of Its Name

There are six places in our New Testament whose names begin with "Beth." There is Bethlehem, Bethabara, Bethesda, and Bethsaida, and of course Bethphage and Bethany. "Beth" always means "The house of," so that Bethlehem means, as is well known, "The house of bread," and with another four of these names there is no problem. There is a difficulty however, with Bethany, and in Commentaries and Bible Dictionaries there are actually four suggested meanings of the name. Some say "The house of sweetness" and others say "The house of sorrow." A few say "The house of singing," and others say "The house of the poor."

Although among its Arab residents Bethany is more generally known as El Azariyeh, "The town of Lazarus," yet to many it is indeed "Betania," but what is the true meaning of the name? Perhaps there is a sense in which all of the suggested meanings have at times been true of the village, but local people will assure us quite definitely that Bethany means "The house of the poor," or "The house of poverty."

How much this must have appealed to Him of whom Paul wrote, "For your sakes He became poor, that ye through His poverty might be rich." Born in lowly circumstances in an outside place, He then lived for thirty years in the relative obscurity of Nazareth. For three years and more our Lord Jesus preached the glad tidings to the poor, and while many others rejected Him, the common people heard Him gladly (Luke 4:16, 18: Mark 12:37).

The Spiritual Lessons

The Savior’s first recorded word of public ministry was "Blessed are the poor in spirit" (Matt 5:3). He did not, of course, mean "poor spirited!" Poor in spirit is the opposite of pride. It means one who has no wealthy opinion of self. The man who is poor in spirit makes no high claims but is characterized by lowliness and humility. Pride is mentioned more than fifty times in our Bible and is always obnoxious to God, Who "resisteth the proud, but giveth grace to the humble" (James 4:6; 1 Peter 5:5). Our Lord associated pride with moral evils of every kind and Paul reminded Timothy that pride was the sin of the devil (Mark 7:21-23; 1 Tim 3:6). What, after all, has any man anything of which he may be proud?

Bethany was the house of the poor. The simple appeal of the village is legendary and they rejoiced to share their poverty with the lowly Man from Galilee. Poverty and wealth are mentioned twice in the letters to the Asian assemblies in the early chapters of Revelation. Of the assembly in Smyrna the Savior said, "I know thy poverty," adding, "But thou art rich!" Of the assembly in Laodicea He said, "Thou sayest ‘I am rich’ . . . and knowest not that thou art . . . poor." It has been so aptly said that at Smyrna they were rich poor men and at Laodicea they were poor rich men!

In the house of the poor on the Mount of Olives they spread a table for the Savior. He accepted and appreciated their hospitality, so much so that during His last week on earth He resorted every night to Bethany. There is no record of His spending even one night inside the walls of Jerusalem except on that last night as a willing prisoner of the Jewish Sanhedrin.

The earliest mention of Bethany is in Matthew 21:17 and it is so significant: "He went out of the city into Bethany, and He lodged there." "Out of the city . . . into Bethany!" He left the pomp and splendor, the religion and ritual and ceremonialism of great Jerusalem to lodge in the house of the poor on the farther slope of Olivet.

What an example is this for every assembly of His people. There is still a noisy society all around us. There is still much ritual and empty ceremony. May we be content to be a "house of the poor," humbly welcoming Him into our midst and giving Him that place of honor which is His by right.

Bethany, house of the poor, did indeed become the house of sorrow, but out of the sorrow was born the sweetness which filled the house in John 12, and made it a house of singing and joy. But these belong to further "Memories of Olivet."

tree climbing..

2006-05-13T19:46:00.000-07:00

i arrived back in good ol' brentwood thursday afternoon..

friday i ate breakfast and "poked" if you will in 2 of my favorite nashville places: PANCAKE PANTRY!! and Pangea.. what a way to wake up my first morning home.. there is nothin like a stack of chocolate chip pancakes from pancake pantry.. YUM.

after inhaling the entire plate of pancakes.. i headed over to my elementry school where my cousin, emmy, is in kindergarten. i surprised her and ate lunch with her and her class. probably one of the funniest hours of my life. not only was i getting double takes from teachers that taught me.. but i sat at the table in between emmy and her best friend caroline.. across from luke and palmer (who, by the way, caroline told me is in love with emmy) it was quite an experience!

this morning i babysat for two precious kids: charlie and pheobe..

then went to granny's to help in the yard. gah it was like the good ol' days.. dad trimming the bushes and me and granny picking it up.. watering the tomatoes and yes climbing my favorite tree.. it seems alot smaller now but i got up alot higher than i used to! dad and granny started telling stories about me climbing that tree.. i loved it.

"Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me." Isaiah 49:16

2006-05-05T08:59:00.000-07:00

"I am the Lord; I have called you in righteousness; I will take you by the hand and keep you; I will give you as a covenant for the people, al ight for the nations, to open the eyes that are blind, to bring out the prisoners from the dungeon, from the prison those who sit in darkness. I am the Lord; that is my name; my glory I give to no other, nor my praise to carved idols. Behold, the former things have come to pass, and the new things I now declare; before they spring forth I tell you of them." Isaiah 42:6-9

I have been sitting on these verses for a couple days now and I believe that is the beginning of the end of my summer preparation that has going on subconciously within me. (that was probably the worst run on sentence of my life but you get the point - that's all that matters)

Nashville. Kanakuk. China. Michigan. ----> junior at auburn.

I literally haven't even begun to process my summer... until now.

i honestly never imagined a summer like i am about to experience and that confirms that i had nothing to do with the planning of it. i am nervous, anxious, excited, scared but above it all i am at peace and know that the Lord has huge plans within these plans He has made.

saturated with Jesus.

(the pic is daniel coley. adopted from china 3 1/2 years ago. little did i know that meeting him would stir my heart for china and i would be going there just a few years later...)

my sweet family

2006-05-05T08:51:00.000-07:00

well studying took a pause just to give a little ode to my family. yep. i love 'em and while i can't even bring myself to think about leaving this place for summer.. i know that the brief moments i'm home will be well spent with these precious people. i am so thankful for the Lord allowing me to just sit back and EXPERIENCE Him through them. just wait they will not know what hit them when they fully experience His GRACE.
I CAN'T WAIT!

truth is so sweet when you hit rock bottom

2006-03-18T16:49:00.000-08:00

this picture says it all. it is so simple. why do we try to make everything so complicated? I am gross and disgusting and selfish and rude and absolutely worth nothing with out the cross where my savior wiped all of those things away from my description. now I am perfection in my Father's eyes. YOU are perfection in your Father's eyes.
i strayed far from that in the last 24 hours. it was rough but He knew I needed to be brought to my lowest beyond lowest point to realize this. again. why do i forget? nothing ever works when i let Beth do it...NOTHING and i know that. I believe that. The past couple days I got my extra fleshy self all up in arms and it worked for a second but began to plummet and bam. here I am i have NOTHING.. absolutely nothing except the love my Father has for me.
I have nothing. He has everything. I am ablsolutely NOT, but I am head over heels for the great I AM.

"Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me." Isaiah 49:16

no title will do justice

2006-03-12T15:58:00.000-08:00

so.. i thought i was going to start out by apologizing for the scattered blog but really these are just thoughts, just pieces of me and you can take 'em or leave 'em.. this is just where i go when my thought are too fast to write by hand in my real journal..which happens more time than i actually write something here.. so here we go.. hang tight kids, i have no idea where this will potentially go..

i'm reading this book and it is one of those that just stirs alot of thoughts and the last couple days it has most definitely stired mine..

"I was with my friends at one of our favorite restaurants the other night. We had been there at least three hours when I noticed we were the last ones in th pleace. The employees were starting to stack chairs and vaccum the floors and we were still talking....And I'm sitting in this restaurant looking around the table, soaking it in, totally overwhelmed with the holiness of it all. The sacredness of the moment. That sense that in spite of everything awful I have ever seen, we're going to make it. I know that sounds like it's from a greeting card but I know you know what I am talking about. Ordinary moments in ordinary settings tthat all of a sudden become infused with something else. With meaning. Significance. Hope."

so...definitely had a couple of those ordinary moments this weekend. they are some of the sweetest moments with my friends that i will always treasure.. i think half the time they think i am spaced out when really i am just taking it all in.. it is all HIM.. nothing less.. anytime we are there.. He is there.. I feel it. I sense it. I know it. I believe it.

Why would we ever be surprised when truth turns up in strange places? WHY??

"The Hebrew word for glory is kavod, which means weight or significance."

"The whole earth is full of the weight and significance of who God is. The prophets were deeply influenced by this understanding that the earth is DRENCHED with the presence of God."

DRENCHED. like when the heavens open up right when you are walking between classes and you look like you took a shower in your clothes and forgot to dry off when you get to your next class.. that is THE PRESENCE OF THE LORD.. ALL OVER!!

CLAIM IT.

"If it is ture, if it is beautiful, if it is honorable, if it is right, then claim it. Because it is from God. And you belong to God."

ok this is good stuff right here:

"It's NOT truth over here and Jesus over there, as if they were two different things. Where we find one, we find the other. He frees us to embrace wheatever is true and good and beautiful wherever we find it."

I find Jesus and truth in places I could never imagine. like watching the innocence of kids and babies.. you think i'm obsessed.. i'm obsessed and jealous at the carefree spirit they have..
i find Him in the obvious places like the sky.. the incredible sky..wow.
i find Him in watching people experience His glory.
i find Him in watching the love that my family shares.
i find Him drving down the road with all of my windows down and singing at the top of my lungs
i find Him in rushing water
i find Him in a busy coffee shop
i find Him in the stillness of an empty room
i find Him in the light that a candle gives
....

CLAIM IT.

"In the first line of his gospel, John calles Jesus the "Word". The word WORD here in Greek is the word logos, which is where we get the English word logic.
Logic, intelligence, design. THE BLUEPRINT OF CREATION."

I want to leave with a bite out of 1 Peter...

"Therefore prepare your minds for action; be self controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given to you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as He who called you is Holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: 'Be holy because I am holy.' " 1 Peter 1: 13-16

CLAIM IT CLAIM IT CLAIM IT.

Corinne Noelle

2006-03-05T20:46:00.000-08:00

Here she is! This is my cousin, the newest member of our family! Corinne was born on Thursday and I went home this weekend to meet her. She is beautiful and just so tiny. As I was holding her, I had forgotten how tiny newborns really are. She weighs a little over 7 pounds and is just tiny and perfect. A NEW CREATION! The Lord did alot in me this weekend and saturday as I was meeting her for the first time He just tied it all together. I am just as new as Corinne. I can't wait to watch her grow up.
The Lord gave me tangible expressions of His faithfulness in so many ways this weekend.. that is another day though. May we all continue to be showered with His blessings!

Hallelujah!

2006-02-14T13:08:00.000-08:00

Hallelujah: considered the most joyful word of praise to God.
Recently, well ok the past month or so, the Lord has just been laying the word HALLELUJAH on my heart. We sing it, we say it, we read it, but do we really know what we are saying. Yes, it is praise to God but it is the MOST JOYFUL praise to God. This song is by Bethany Dillion and it just is so powerful and just really simply puts what this expression is.

"Hallelujah"

Who can hold the stars
And my weary heart?
Who can see everything?

I've fallen so hard
Sometimes I feel so far
But not beyond your reach

I could climb a mountain
Swim the ocean
Or do anything
But it's when you hold me
That I start unfolding
And all I can say is

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah

The same sun that
Rises over castles
And welcomes the day

Spills over buildings
Into the streets
Where orphans play

And only you can see the good
In broken things
You took my heart of stone
And you made it home
And set this prisoner free

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah

Whatever is in front of me I WILL CHOOSE TO SING HALLELUJAH!!!

STAY AWAKE

2006-02-10T10:39:00.000-08:00

"There is an extraordinary power in storytelling that stirs the imagination and makes an indelible impression on the mind. Jesus employs a set of storms known as the 'crisis' parables, to issue a warning, a summons to repentance, because of the lateneess of the hour. Jesus says, ' a tidal wave is approaching and you are lollygagging on the patio having a party.' or as Joachim Jeremias puts it, 'you are feasting and dancing on the volcano which may erupt at any moment.' The impeding crisis precludes procrastination: 'STAY AWAKE, because you do not know when the Master of the House is coming. Evening, midnight, cockcrow, dawn; if He comes unexpectedly, He mus not find you asleep. And what I say to you, I say to all: 'STAY AWAKE.' " - Brennan Manning

i read that yesterday in ragamuffin gospel and it sure stirred me and i think that speaks for itself.. i'm still chewing on it.. wow.

I most definitely have a trend in my life right now and it's all about WAKING UP or STAYING AWAKE and SEEING and EXPERIENCING His GLORY. not yesterday, not tomorrow .. RIGHT NOW.. In this VERY MOMENT.

He is persistent in pursuing and speaking to His children.. it's all about listening. So, be still and LISTEN and KNOW that He is OUR God.

LIGHT

2006-02-07T12:36:00.000-08:00

so i am sitting in my bed and i look up on my wall and there is this light that keeps moving but i don't know where it is coming from.. finally i figure out it is the sun reflecting off of my ring and shining up on my wall.. beautiful.
for something that we hear all the time about Jesus being the light that shines through us it was just so neat to have that little reminder and proving that something as tiny as a ring could produce so much light with the help of the sun (in our case.. the son). we are soooo tiny compared to the light He shines through us every day and so many times we just accept that and move on without really soaking it in.
i think that this was my first time to actually be sitting still for more than 10 minutes when it wasn't time for me to really be asleep in the past month or so.. He speaks through so many things but it was just a testiment to me that i do need to remain still sometimes just to see little lessons and reminders that He wants to give me.

FAITHFULNESS.

just breathe...

2006-02-03T08:51:00.000-08:00

i don't really have much to type and the reason is my head is going in a million different directions but i hold steadfast to my Savior who is constantly reminding me that my HEART is in the never ending grip of His hands. how can i be so scattered when i know that truth? He continues to reveal more and more understanding of His truth me EVERY SINGLE MOMENT.
well i told you this would be short and sweet.. just kinda throwin stuff out there.. ya know.
i have a youth group retreat with AUMC (with my 7th grade girls). PRAY. ya'll it's going to be good. the theme is Revelation 3:15-16 .. ALL IN. they need this message and i feel like this weekend could be it for several of them.. wow i will keep ya'll posted. rest in Him because HE is FAITHFUL!

4 am

2006-01-23T04:22:00.000-08:00

that's right the Lord wanted me up at 4am this morning. so here i am wide awake. i tried to go back to sleep but couldn't and then as i watched the clock go until about 6 and decided to go see if the sun was coming up yet because if i am up for goodness sake i want to see the sunrise. well it was most definitely still completely dark outside so i made breakfast.. it was goooood. as i finished eating i decided to look out again to see if the sun was going to join me in being one of 4 people up in auburn. well, the heavens had opened up and no sun, but RAIN. it was POURING and it has been for a good 20 miniutes or so. i have had my music on since i woke up just kind of in the background while i have been reading and journaling and such and rita springer's song about RAIN came on.. i don't know the right title or all the words but here's what i have caught from it..
it's going to rain
because it's the living water we desire
flood our hearts with holy fire
RAIN DOWN
all around the world we're singing
RAIN DOWN
can you hear the earth is singing?
RAIN DOWN
my heart is dry but i'm still singing
RAIN DOWN

ok so that's not completely accurate but we all get the point..
whew.

well my heart is just jumping and has been for a couple days now. HE IS SO GOOD. SO SO GOOD.
"I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart FREE"
Psalm 119:32

true beauty..

2005-12-29T09:20:00.000-08:00

although it is winter time.. i ran across this picture of where we go for family vacation.. our God created .. THAT! pretty incredible. just a little hint of summer time to warm everyone up.

Breath of Heaven, HOLD ME TOGETHER

2005-12-24T22:30:00.000-08:00

I have traveled many moonless nights,
Cold and weary with a babe inside,
And I wonder what I’ve done.
Holy father you have come,
And chosen me now to carry your son.

I am waiting in a silent prayer.
I am frightened by the load I bear.
In a world as cold as stone,
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now.
Be with me now.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.

Do you wonder as you watch my face,
If a wiser one should have had my place,
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan.
Help me be strong.
Help me be.
Help me.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven.

ok hands down this is my favorite Christmas song..while it's not a traditional carol.. this is it.
i love the lines that say "pour over me your holiness" i just have this picture in my head that i am holding this cup and He is continually pouring and pouring over me His holiness.. it's incredible
i also love "be with me now"
wow. there are so many times that that's all we need to say .. Lord, be with me now. and yet so many times we look to other things to try and comfort us.

this year has been huge and i knew building up to Christmas that it was going to be a big time for me and my family and yes it sure was. I have been praying over this time with my family for months.. (years really.. well it's been a long time coming) and as if we didn't already know this.. our God is SO FAITHFUL!! this week has been crazy with a family Christmas party that lasts 2 nights (yes, 2 nights) and just the hustle and bustle of the anticipation for tomorrow: Christmas. and let me just tell you there were a couple times this week that I ventured into the insanity called Cool Springs where I am from (if you are from Nashville you know not even to attempt around Christmas time) there were a couple very distinct points where i caught myself sooo close to falling into the hustle and bustle and get frustrated.. SO close. but NO! this is not Christmas...
this is the REASON we were given the best Christmas gift of all.. one that once you have accepted.. you can't return.. our Savior.. He saves us from among all things moments right before the celebration of His birth where we really do just want to fall to the world and throw our arms up and get frustrated! It's because of Him that at that moment where I am about to fall down that cliff.. i CAN say: Father, be with me now!

so today is Christmas eve. it began with a girls lunch at my house with my aunt, grandmother, cousins, mom, etc.. really to celebrate and have a baby shower for my cousin laura.. it was quaint but good and started off the rounds of delecious food which of course included my family's infamous cranberry jello salad that manages to make its way into EVERY meal that we have all together.. i find it hilarious.. honestly it's not that great.. but it's like where's waldo.. you know he is always going to be around somewhere..

family dinner at Tim and Laura's is a version of our continued tradition which is one of my favorites.. we all come together and eat (we are really good at this if you didn't get the hint) it's a time where the little kids (emmy, kiley, ella, samantha and hunter) play and get excited because santa is coming and the older kids and adults just talk and i'm not gonna lie.. it can be extremely entertaining.. for example my cousin Del giving everyone a run down on the disney princesses and how they are really all the same story with a few additions such as snow white just runs around with a bunch of elves... cinderella is just cinderella.. belle well you all know the story.. and sleeping beauty just takes a long nap.. (ok so it was ALOT better when he was telling the story) all this to say we were all reminiscing about past Christmases and funny things that have happened throughout the years..
my great aunt bertha wrapped EVERYONE'S Christmas present in the same wrapping paper (gray, green and red) for like 15 years straight.. no lie
we use to have the Christmas morning marathon where it would begin at 7am and go until 2 or 3pm and your only escape was to sneak into the kitchen for a sausage pinwheel or orange juice
Granny gives us all a universal (in my family that is what we call a cash donation) and she uses the same wrapping for everyone every year and after you open your present from Granny you better pass your bag back to her or she might forget you next year.
well there are many more but i won't bore you with anymore crazy family stories...

another cheesy sidenote.. so I am from Tennessee.. born and raised all my life and there is a Tennessee Christmas song.. it's extra cheesy so hang on but it just makes me smile and think of home every time i hear it.. so here you go:

Come on weather man give us a forecast snowy white
Can't you hear the prayers of every childlike heart tonight
Rockies are callin', Denver snow fallin'
Somebody said it's four feet deep, but it doesn't matter
Give me the laughter, I'm gonna choose to keep

Another tender Tennessee Christmas, the only Chirstmas for me
Where the love circles around us like the gifts around our tree
Well I know there's more snow up in Colorado than my roof will ever see
But a tender Tennessee Christmas is the only Christmas for me

Every now and then I get a wanderin' urge to see
Maybe California, maybe Tinsel Town's for me
There's a parade there, we'd have it made there
Bring home a tan for New Year's Eve
Sure sounds exciting, awfully inviting, still I think I'm gonna keep

Another tender Tennessee Christmas, the only Christmas for me
Where the love circles around us like the gifts around our tree
Well they say in L.A. it's a warm holiday, it's the only place to be
A tender Tennessee Christmas, is the only Christmas for me

Well I know there's more snow up in Colorado than my roof will ever see
But a tender Tennessee Christmas is the only Christmas for me
A tender Tennessee Christmas is the only Christmas for me

Father, I lift my arms in praise of You. thank you for sending your son. thank you for forgiveness. thank you for placing us in a world where we are forced to see how good you truely are. "And He will be called Wonderful , Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6

Fall on your knees
O hear the angels' voices
O night divine
O night when Christ was born

with all of these crazy traditions.. new and old.. my favorite is going to church at 11pm and singing Christmas carols, have communion and have it end at midnight, Christmas morning.
well, that's where i am headed now..
goodnight and Merry Christmas.

our greatest need

2005-12-23T21:15:00.000-08:00

if our greatest need had been information, God would have sent us and educator.

if our greatest need had been technology, God would have sent us a scientist.

if our greatest need had been money, God would have sent us an economist.

if our greatest need had been pleasure, God would have sent us an entertainer.

but our greatest need was forgiveness, so God sent us a Savior.

share your well

2005-12-18T21:58:00.000-08:00

summary of my semester.. i am a glass and the Lord is a pitcher and He is continually pouring into me knowing that I am full.

this morning at my church at home he talked about sharing your well.. digging down deep and giving buckets away.. wow.. what a picture.. yes we are afraid to do this because there won't be any left for me right?
WRONG.
why when i know that He is still pouring into me and it is just overflowing and spilling out of my glass would i not want to share it rather than allowing it to continually overflow?

this is such a picture of the selfishness that all of us are guilty of.. i don't want to give any away because there will be none left for me. our God is a fair God and promises to reward us in our confidence in HIM. the key is COMPLETE CONFIDENCE AND SATISFACTION in HIM.

not to say that we all have our times that we stray away...it only causes us to see the distance and realize that we cannot live our lives for Him apart from Him.

time...

2005-12-14T13:09:00.000-08:00

what is time? we always say that it flies by.. or it is the right time or i don't have enough time.. but really what is it and how do you spend it? it's wednesday and i have been done with finals since monday afternoon and time has been good. Yesterday morning i hit up books a million and read some excerpts of the great c.s. lewis.. wow.

"we want so much more.. we do not want to merely see beauty, though God knows even that is bounty enough. we want something else which can hardly be put into words to beunited with the beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it in to ourselves, to bathe in it, to become part of it."
- the weight of glory, c.s. lewis

i really like the title of that book.. it intrigues me.. that glory has weight.. what does that look like?

i am just enjoying being in auburn with no classes.. it is just great to wander around and discover things that i haven't had time to.. i look forward to heading home real soon and having some good time with the fam for christmas.. it is going to be so fruitful this year.. i can't wait.

oh happy day

2005-12-02T21:05:00.000-08:00

so i'm in one of those good moods that you just can't stop smiling.. like really i just my heart is happy.
tonight a few of us went to the african children's choir concert. it blessed me beyond belief. they were just overflowing with joy for the Lord. it was incredible.. it's funny how last night one of the men at encounter was talking about God as our Father and how we must be His little children just eager to spend time with Him and stand in awe. these kids love the Lord and you could just tell by their actions in the performance it was all for His glory.

you know my name
you know my voice
before i was born
i was your choice

teach me to dance to the beat of your heart,
teach me to move to the power of your spirit
teach me to walk in the light of your presence
teach me to dance to the beat of your heart.

wow. He is GOOD.

All is calm, all is bright

2005-11-26T22:39:00.000-08:00

Silent night, Holy night.
All is calm, all is bright.

Thanksgiving festivities are over and Christmas is in full swing. I guess this is where the all is bright part comes in. We decorated the Christmas tree tonight and it sure is bright! I love the way Christmas trees just glow. The all is calm part kinda sums up this week. It was perfect. Just relaxing and visiting with family and friends.. it sounds typical but this year was just extra good for some reason.

"The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14

Really? Be still. Here we go. I think this has been a constant theme the Lord has given my life for the past several months. It's been really cool to see how he made it so tangible this week. I was still. Friday I was literally still because I was coughing up both of my lungs. It was so good though. Not that I would have been out at 5am with all the crazy day after Thanksgiving shoppers.. are you kidding?! but it was so good for me to just physically BE STILL. I think this has had a ton of deeper meaning but He definitely wanted me to get the literally meaning this week.

Right now I am sitting on my extra comfy couch, in my family room at home with the quilt of doom (if you don't watch out you are guaranteed to fall asleep while under this blanket) listening to Christmas music. Can it get much better than this?

Life is so simple. Why do we have to make it so complicated? I say this knowing the complicated thoughts I had just an hour ago. It's like when we get those thoughts rolling we can't stop but when we just sit back and take it all in we wonder how we can make things so complicated. I think this is where in life we have control of the reigns versus sitting back and handing them over to the Lord. He has us. He knows the desires of our hearts if we will just let Him lead. I think so many times we let our heads get ahead of our hearts. I think our heads can be such a distraction. In our hearts we believe. We are confident in that. We FEEL it. but.. our heads don't feel. they just kinda let our imaginations run wild which in most cases I think go against our heart's desire.

wow that is all over the place and alot to chew on so i think it's time for me to say goodnight.

dream big...real big

2005-11-19T08:45:00.000-08:00

PRAISE THE LORD! my dad is cancer free.. yesterday was one of the longest days of my life.. but Jesus was ever so present throughout the day in the what should have been boring, empty waiting room. Where was He? He was in the doctor who is our neighbor that we did not know was going to be in there. After dad was taken back he came out and talked to us about dreams and the conversation he had with his 14 year old daughter about not setting your dreams to low.. but GO BIG! See the vision that you have and don't just reach for it.. grab it! He was in my cousins who surprised us and brought me and mom lunch and sat and talked with us for a couple hours. He was in my cousin Tim who quit his job yesterday because he felt like it wasn't what he was being called to do with his life. He was in my 3 year old cousin Kiley who I haven't seen in 3 months and jumped in to my arms and wrapped her arms so tightly around my neck I thought I was going to choke. He was in the encouraging text messages and phone calls I recieved throughout the day and rejoicing I was able to share with family and friends. He was in my aunt who came in to let mom and I get some rest. He is all over. He is in my dad who is the most humble man in the world and is more determined than I have ever seen him to get out of somewhere.. just so he can get back to normal as fast as possible. What a blessing. I can't even express my joy.

Jesus I am resting, resting

2005-11-11T11:35:00.000-08:00

Jesus, I am resting, resting in the joy of what thou art
I am finding out the greatest of thy loving heart
Thou hast bid me gaze upon thee, and they beauty fills my soul
For by They transforming power, Thou hast made me whole
Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus, I behod Thee as Thou art
And They love, so pure, so changeless, satisfies my heart.
Satisfies its deepest longings, meets, supplies its every need,
Compasseth me round with blessings: Thine is LOVE indeed!
Ever lift Thy face upon me, as I work and wait for Thee
Resting 'neath Thy smile Lord Jesus, Earth's dark shadows flee
Brightness of my Father's glory, sunshine of my Father's face
Keep me ever trusting, resting, fill me with Thy grace.

wow. That might be one of my favorite hymns and it so perfectly fits the image I have been given the past week as a daughter of the King. When I was little.. i mean really little, I was SO shy. I think we would have to qualify it as painfully shy. I was ALWAYS in my dad's arms and most of the time probably had my head buried in his shoulder. He would communicate for me because all I would usually do to answer would be grunt or whisper into his ear. Isn't this how our relationship with our Heavenly Father is? He carries us, we bury our heads so often in His shoulder and although we don't speak through Him, He most definitely speaks through us. This is our point of surrender. We have to allow Him to carry us. We have to allow Him to speak for us. We have to be willing to just give up and bury our heads in His shoulder. So, here I am still resting in the arms of my Father, with my head buried and recognizing that I can't do it on my own.

lead me to the rock

2005-11-10T10:16:00.000-08:00

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I
Let your tender mercies be known
Fill me with the song of salvation
And I will go dancing with these broken bones

Last night I got a pretty clear picture of what it looks like for a human to wrestle with I guess you would say being alive. I went to the hospital with a friend to see her grandfather because he had been taken there due to difficulty breathing. It was not easy to see but just gave me this even clearer picture of how our human bodies are so temporary. WOW! 80 something years inside of a body is temporary. That just blows me away to think that as fast as time seems to be going now.. 60 years will come and go for me with a blink of an eye. This brings us to my point and what has been laid on my heart that we need to be living in the NOW. This does not mean planning out what we want in 1, 5, 10 years.. but grasping life with all that it's worth and living the life that was given to you now.

From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; leade me to the rock that is higher than I. Psalm 61:2

it's all because of Isaiah 30:8...

2005-11-08T20:21:00.000-08:00

Go now write it on a tablet for them, inscribe it on a scroll, that for the days to come it may be an everlasting witness. Isaiah 30:8

well...here i am. completely broken, surrendered to Him. That is where I lie. Isn't it funny that being completely broken can bring so much joy? I just spent some time with the Lord and just felt that He has been laying on my heart to just be vulnerable, open and straight up honest. Well, I guess that the blog world is the newest way of vulnerability. I mean really here I am. All right here written out on a page where just about anyone who wants to can see. Tonight I am somewhat overwhelmed so I will just leave this and I think it does a nice job to sum things up for now...it's a song a man at the church I grew up in wrote about Joshua.

Be still He will do wonders
Be still He will be magnified
Don't know what lies before us
What more could break our stride
Standing on the banks of the Jordan
Looking to the other side